to say yesterday was the worst day of my life would be an understatement ):

like seriouslyy! SOB. just imagine, on a day you're to look your best you feel downright ugly and because you're running behind time that just makes you feel like crapshit; you race out after having a showdown with a particular someone who shot your day to hell whilst the skies are dark and you think 'i'm going to take a cab anyways, so i won't be caught in the rain, no worrieszzx, things are going to get better, you'll see' but then! for FIFTEEN MINUTES! and mind you you're late, THREE #%()$!(%)!( people STEAL your cab from RIGHT UNDER your nose and zip away whilst you're left standing by the sidelines looking and feeling like a loser muttering bad words under your breath. and before you know you SWOOOOSH its raining! and you've to take out your brolly. and BWAHA. your brolly STINKS! ): so on the verge of insanity - possibly tears (: you accidentally press a button and SPISHHH! your umbrella closes right above you and you're wet. $#)^(@)()!%! so you hold on to the tears that are threatening to fall now only there is still no cab and you can't figure out how to get the smelly umbrella open again. so you run to shelter, defeated with stupiddd tears falling down your stupid face. AND THEN! just when you need some advice someone to talk to, nobody picks up your damn call -.- like seriouslyyyy. if you think it couldn't get any worse, just when you've decided to venture out in the rain again - whilst attempting to close your blooody smelly umbrella (AND OH FOOK, i just realised i left my new hot pink umbrella outside my workplace ): GAHHHH!! my mommy's gonna hate me ): i shall buy a new one for her. yes yes.)

DEEP BREATHS. so yes, whilst attempting to close your bloody smelly umbrella it shoots off your hands and lands in a stupid heap oustide the shelter under a bar in the rain. %)!($)%!()%(! RAHHH!!!!!! so stupid you, have to crawl under the bar, in your new heels and pick up the smelly mocking shit you already hate.

i don't know if its just a bad day but somehow, i find it hard to think it was JUST a bad day. it was a fooking downright disgusting ultimate worst day of my life and all i can ask myself is WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?! )))))))))))):

so. EVENTUALLY! you get into a cab but you already feel like a sodden rat with no mind or mood to go for any meeting whatsoever and so! you attempt to call your partner in crime only to not have her pick up! @$(%)#!()$! when she finally does and you ask the taxi uncle to zip you away to your next location he says he can't. like WHAAAAAAAAAAT. so you've to drag yourself in for meeting, late and broken ):

but obviously it does not end there - meeting ends late, you sacrifice any form of food you can grab to avoid being late for your next appt, jump into a cab and have to pay freaking alot of money for comfort. RAH.

and then (: AT THE DOORSTEP OF YOUR VERY NEXT APPT, DOORSTEP PEOPLE, YOUR STUPID HEEL BREAKS! LIKE FOOK FOOK FOOK TIMES A MILLION OTHER FOOKS! )): and your small blessing comes in the slippers you brought along for the night. SOB.

you message the boss of your next appt, and before your current appt can end, he calls you and gives you a scolding for being late. he's angry and you're helpless. BECAUSE ITS BECAUSE OF WORK OR WAS IT THE MEETING THAT YOU'RE IN THIS STUPID SHIT OF A DAY ANYWAYS! RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

so anxious, you call your bosseh back after when you're done and he doesn't pick up. anxious and scared, you take out your anger on your poor mother you brought you a nice hotpink umbrella which you eventually leave at work -.- like damnit. and then, zoom zoom zoom you fly to work with a hungry tummy and a fretful anxious pumping with fear and adrenaline heart. (:

but of course, i took comfort in the fact that i had someone to cry to and listen to me. BWAHA.

so rightyyyy. you go to work, find out there's nothing MUCH to do. you eventually decide to venture out to buy lunch but you get scolded AGAIN when you come back because you're wasting time eating when you could be more productive. like what seriously.

and then, at the end of your stupid work day with your bosseh angry the whole way, it turns out he thinks you argued with him later on when questioned about why you didn't complete a simple brainless task. and so, on the ride back to your next appt! it is done in silence.

you go home, the female bosseh comes to the rescue, you talk things out, end up crying like a loser again because you're thrown a mountain load of anger ):

and then supposedly things are better, you try to make peace but its just awkward. and there goes your night! frightened of your bosseh and seeking comfort in the rest of the company. when we COULD HAVE BEEN ALL HAPPY TOGETHER ):

BAWLS. ):

i feel like i disappointed alot of people yesterday and really it was just fookable moments one after another and seriouslyyy. why why why? WHY? ): i'm just glad yesterday is over. guilty me has to admit to blaming the big guy on numerous occassions but i really did try not to.

now i'm just SIGHHHS. really tired. and all i can say is WO MING KU AH ): but its over. its over. and i still believe you love me, perhaps you were trying to teach me a lesson. well, it was a hard lesson to bear and endure. my god my god why did you forsake me? but take this cup away, if it is your will if not, let it be done unto me.

same fate my mateys. (: at least i know now i wasn't alone.

with shitdays behind me, i hope my week picks up. i'm scarred but what the hey.

now i'm only worried about tonight's plans because i seriouslyyy couldn't wake up this morning and that means i've to go mass later. but... SIGH ): come what may i guess.

please don't ever stop loving me me me ):

for better days -

HOW TWEET is it like blogger's birthday?! HAHA. there's a cake at my logo. how cute. (:

i would guess it was a good day and i really do feel like blogging. but somehow, faced with my empty screen; i feel kinda inspiration-less. SIGH.

work took some getting used to but i think i have it roughly (: HAHAHAH. i'm just really afraid about what will happen when my supervisor gets back. ): the questions what if he doesn't like me, what if i don't measure up keeps haunting me. GAHHHH. and in some ways, office life is seriouslyyyy different. but i'm really grateful for my friendly interns au pair! (: although its been but 4days, they've brought me bountiless joyyy (:

LUNCHBREAKS have become the <333 and freebies today by my dear friend too! HOHOHO.

tomorrowwww is results day. i think i'm gna feel really lousy and horrible if the current intern does REALLY REALLY well. SIGH. ): but of course i'm worried about my own damn grades. why is it when you come to year 3 suddenly your grades mean the whole damn world ):

I DON'T WANNA DIEE. SMUUUUUUUU. BAWLS. HAHA.

i've been mood swingyyy. why did you come back so soon, stupid insecurities. HAHAHAH.

GIVE ME LOVEE ANYBODY SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GIVE ME LUBBBB. ):

tomorrow it hotdog day with recess friends! i guess if i do badly i'll have something to look forward too. but all my procrastination have amounted to lotsaaaaa work. WHOOPS.

father help me ):

before i gooo though. (: i just completed a book about russia, women labour camps, true love, heroes vs blind loyalist of communism. AH. enlightening maxx. I LIKE I LIKE! (:

caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you'll be
can't go far but you can always dream
wish you may and wish you might
don't you worry hold on tight.
i promise you there will come a day
butterfly fly away

LIPSTICK JUNGLE don't be afraid to try something new. an amateur built the ark. professionals built the titanic.

if only. well, heart take courage now.

its day one of work today! and i haven't forgotten. before i start ranting i'll list down the happy positive things of today. (: but before i go on, i shan't disclose my company's name here just in case i get sued. but if lucky you already knoww, then SHUSHH. (:

so TODAY!
1) i switched over my ezlink card and this time i did it with no pain no hassle (even though i stupidly bought today's concession when it was already 7pm and i was cabbing home GRR)
2) i likey the circle line
3) the office is pretty and nice (even though its freezzingg cold)
4) i was prompt for mass!
5) my TAXI DRIVER GAVE ME A 55CENTS DISCOUNT!! HAHAHAHA
6) we sang nice songs at mass!

i've got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
i've got a love, and i know that it's all mine.
oh. do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
sticks and stones are never gonna shake me. no.

okay lah, if you ask me, i think that today's kinda like half and half. i was really anxious and fretful about work last night and i guess i'm just glad day one's over! it was just me and T today and i guess it was pretty good orientation. just that i think the work load is kinda intimidating and the work environment is comfortable yet not really! ): i didn't even dare go on facebook even though i think i can. HAHA.

but my brain has definitely malfuntioned even though its been but two weeks since the exams. when i had to write summarised entertainment news pieces today i actually froze and got scared! i wanted to plead and beg my way out of it.

take me away: a secret place.
a sweet escape: take me away.
take me away to better days.
take me away: a higher place.

i can't believe i've officially entered the working world. i'm a grown up now. SOBBBSS. but yeah! when i was boarding the bus today! because my concession ended, i heard one beep! and somehow that one beep was particularly resounding. i forgot about my concession ending and blargh, for that one moment i seriouslyyyy felt like a grown up. like seriouslyyy. HAHAHAH.

for now, i'm just stressed over next week. tp verus work. getting scolded and black marked verus failing my tp. HAHAHAH. i'm so stressseddd i feeeeel like dyingggggg.

but ho ho, i actually managed to read the news today! (:

there's a place that i go, but nobody knows.
where the rivers flow, and i call it home.
and there's no more lies. in the darkness, there's light.
and nobody cries. there's only butterflies.

anyways! the weekend was rough. i'm just glad its over. shaken but at peace now - till heartbreak strikes again. HAHA. right on, i shall love like i've never been hurt ((:

SO. i'm glad for great friends. and really, just when i was feeling all lonely and on my own, i found back my great friends. LUB LUBBB. <3

everything shall and will fall into place. i trust in you my alpha and omega. (:

the sun is on my side. take me for a ride.
i smile up to the sky. i know i'll be all right.
the sun is on my side. take me for a ride.
i smile up to the sky. i know i'll be all right.

POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE why hello world.

my days are zipping by faster than i can say holidays! ): i resolved a week ago to list out happy things of the week/day (depending on the frequency i blog) at the start of every blog post. just to yknow - start learning how to appreciate the goodness of things especially when blog entries always seem to be nothing but an avenue of EMOONESS! (: (purposely spelt with the double oh HAHA)

so righty, today!
#1 i had a wonderful splendid afternoon nap
#2 i had one of my favouritest driving instructors and driving went pretty well (:
#3 momsy and i set thursday as GO OUT DAAYY! (:
#4 i got to wake up late! hahah, i know everything's jumbley but whaaatever
#5 i cleared out my wallet (I WANT TO CHANGE WALLET ): as much as i <3 my LV its old, new one please? HEH HEH HEH)
#6 i downloaded all my int documents and feel pretty rarring to go (wait till tmr when i start packing my table and blah blah)
#7 i earned a pretty sum of money over the weekend! YAY (:

okay la, thats that. i won't want to start making myself feel jealous of, myself. HURR. so the weekend was pretty sweet (: so was last week. i spent a few days going into work and i thought it was kinda fun! maybe i miss working in some ways, and i do like the idea of extra pocket money! WHEE. anddd, i think the work environment's changed even though i still had a few bitchy moments under my name. and YEAH (: but i taught michelle how to use her mac! and seeing how excited she is makes me kinda wonder if there's something pretty wonderful to love about my mac too. HAHAHAH.

i'm a self confessed horrible mac user (:

so the weekend was.. URM, spent.. somehow i can only remember time traveller's wife now but maybe my memory was get jigged more as i go alongg (: so right! brad pitt was one of the producers please. like OOoooOoooo (: HAHAHAH. i thought the show wasn't right for me. i mean i liked it. but i kept thinking about what was going on in the book and how things were missing and how when pieced together on screen it was just less impactful and i kept jumping ahead of the movie. SO AH WELLS. fault on having read the book first righhtt. but i liked the cast! WHEE. (:

hmmmmmzz, and i feel bad saying this but i enjoyed beth cooper better. WHOOPS (: it was funny! and i think i like seeing hayden pwhateverhernameis in action (: so yeah, GOOD SHOW! ((:

now lets seeee, i wna watch gforce! and i cant wait for caroline, chipmunks2! and jennifer's bodyy AND. i can't remember what. HAHA.

soooooooooo. saturday was a lazy day save the moviee. sunday was spent watching beth coops and spending time with teh bosses and twins (: the red wine made me ultraaaa sleepy by the time i got home. i kinda liked the feeling yet not really (: nothing like alcohol in your mouth EEKS

why, i'm kinda looking forward to the end of the year! hurry up hurry up! happy days till the end? yeah, i hpoe i hope (:

I MISS YOU BESTFRIEND if you're reading this PLEASE TALK TO ME SOOOOOON HAHAHAAHAHAH maybe i should message the girls bout dinner. HMMMMM. will tomorrow be too soon? HAHA. i try.

so yes, i've been learning how to slowly appreciate lazy days, time at home, and really just soaking in the goodness of day and night even though sometimes the edginess creeps back in. SIGH (:

i hope i can sleep tonight! muhahahah, till another day (:

goodbye world!

TONIGHT i shouldn't love you
but i want to
i just can't turn away
i shouldn't see you
but i can't move
i can't look away

it was less than 6 hours since i said we were having a happy phase when it all went downhill. ): WHY WHY WHY, i'm so tired ): and i'm so lost. i've been doing lotsa thinking. i know the fault usually lies on my shoulders but sometimes i just can't help it and i wonder if its really just me.

today i asked the big guy as earnestly as i could to answer the heartbreaking who am i quesion. am i really as selfish as you make me out to be? its hard when the insecurities have no answers; peace to make with. its hard when you can't reassure me with my redeeming qualities.

i don't even know why you love me ):

and i don't know
how to be fine when i'm not
cause i don't know
how to make the feeling stop
just so you know

my heart's heavy and i'm kinda confused. i love you for so many reasons but i don't know if they're even justifiable or right. why is it that i always struggle to believe in you. ):

all i know is that, i know i'm going to crumble when i finally have to say goodbye. i don't know if i'll be able to stand on my own. and i know that such thoughts are scary. ): but today tomorrow, i should learn to treasure every moment right. SO WHY IS IT THAT I #$)(%)!(#%$)!$@$). i don't know. many things - all i can say is; i don't know.

this feeling's taking control of me
and i can't help it
i won't sit around
i can't let him win now
thought you should know
i tried my best to let go of you
but i don't want to
i just gotta say it all before i go
just so you know

i yearn to move forward and i was so happy - in fact, sometimes my horrible schizophrenic mind forgets whats its all about. i know its not just the girls who seem to be able to easily replace me. i know its not just how much time we're spending together. i know its not just about your priorities. i know its not just about my insecurities/demanding-ness/unreasonable-ness/petty-ness/jealousy. i know its not just you/me.

it's getting hard to
be around you
there's so much i can't say
do you want me to hide the feelings?
and look the other way

this emptiness is killing me
i'm wonderin' why i've waited so long
looking back i realize
it was always there
just never spoke of
i'm waiting here
been waiting here

i know its all jumble-ly in my mind/heart/soul. but i'll find peace soon. i have hope/faith; whatever it takes.

friends they're leaving and i can't exactly say it doesn't bother me. ):

just so you know
this feeling's taking control of me
and i can't help it
i won't sit around
i can't let him win now
thought you should know
i tried my best to let go of you
but i don't want to
i just gotta say it all before i go
just so you know

i need answers; bah.

on a brighter note! i've completed parking. ME. CAN PARK. WAHAHAHAHH. i can't imagine that this day has actually come. (: &i'm somewhat loving every moment of it. HAHAHAH.

it just gets harder; SIGHHH.

WHICH WAY NOW

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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