OMGGG. school starts tomorrow and i'm so not prepared! ): well, okay maybe i'm prepared. i packed my table! hurr. but i'm not ready and i don't want school to ever ever starttt. )):

i guess things have been better! just abit. it works when you don't think about it i guess. but its still hard! and i'm starting to have doubts and fears and blahblahblah. buttt hey, 10 more days. (: slowly but surely - time's passing.

eeeks! sometimes you wonder why does this have to happen to ME? all i can say is, why so hung up? and thats all i've been asking myself. why isn't letting go as easy as it is. why isn't starting anew going back to the past as easy as it is. why isn't finding yourself back, as easy as it is? what will happen then if it all ends? BLARGH. guess i'll drop dead and die. (:

but i've got a gameplan to survive another weeek! (: and that'll be a standardised, almost primary school like schedule every day (: i go to school, go for mass and go home for dinner and sleep early cause SCHOOL STARTS FRIGGINNNN EARLY! blargh! (: and then on days which i end early, i'll go to work, if not i'm going swimming! if not i'll just go shopping (: i'm saving too okay, slowly but surely. HAHAHAH but yeah. awesome plan righhht. i can almost see it all falling into place. just minus all the missing from the equation and WOOTS (: i'm back on the road to being independent. YAH RIGHT (:

hmmmmm. i guess that's all. i lost all mood to blogg suddenly. in some ways, i can't wait for today to end and tomorrow to start and for the whole week to fly by.

OH BOY welllsss, i needed to emo-lise my thoughts. but it still felt like smtgg's there stuck in my chest! so i'd decided that i might as well blog.

alot of the things which i want only to tell you, seeing how i can't and i don't want to tell anyone else. i might as well just blog about it. i'm suchhaa freak. i know. but oh whateverr (: i just need to ramble.

ytdd was eventful eventually.

first things first, I PASSED MY FTT! (: the feeling was like woahhhhh. i actually yes-ed out loud when i saw my results. hoho. i mean come on, i didn't study much in the morning. i felt overr-stuffed with information la. which was why i didn't need much persuading to decide to go over to work first before the test even though i had a hugeeee hole in my pockett.

but i guess it was a good decision. tragedy striked again and sometimes, i truly feel indignant. GAHH. but unless you're the one delivering the hurt, you'll never understand why. and when you're the one delivering the hurt, you'll feel like you haven't done anything wrong and come on, youre the one hurting! oh boy. i just hope that michelle will cheer up soon! (: but honestly, sometimes, letting go is so painful ): especially when you've spent your time, loving someone who didn't love you back and made you the stupid fool ):

only fools fall in love, afterall hurrr ((:

so yess and i had a majorrr headache before going to the test, all i can say is, i'm forever indebted to val for her godlike book, and obviously i wouldn't have done it without the bigg guy. (: and oh gwash! i thinkk everytime i take a test, i'm bound to see an ij comrade (:

afterr that, was mass and mass has been awesome. i can't say i know how to describe it, just that i'm starting to enjoy mass. i'm starting to feel renewed in my faith (:

met ET for dinner after that. (: i thinkk i can't thank my friends enough for companying me and willingly asking me out, cause i'll probably just dwell in my own home (: YAY

i realised smtgg ytd, after ending up in tears after the phone call. i thinkk i should pick myself up and move on now. be strong. everything's gna be okay. i've just gotta be patient. god rewards those who are rightt? it will not be hard unless i keep thinking it is. yes yes. everything's gna be okay. i just need another conversation to reassure myself. just one more. please? ): and then i'm gna take things with a pinch of salt. (: true love isn't as easily overridden ehh. i need you trust, now more than ever.

so right, after dinner i swear united square is a suckkkyy place to hail a cab. but i guess being a woman still has its perkks. a bunch of guys let me go first. but to be honest, i swear they intimidated/scared me. EEKS :/

but drinks at michelle was aweeeesomee. i think we had a good conversation, took my mind off stuff and obviously the alchohol helped. i needed drinks badly, badly. (: andd i received the most awesomset piece of advice from mr lee. unexpected heehehe.

here goes: love is strong, love is food, love is blind, love yourself first if you wish to love someone else. loving someone who doesn't love you back - is not loving yourself!

and then obviouslyyyy, he told me he loved me and demanded i love him back (:

I CAN BE HAPPY AND I WILL (:

time goes by, so slowly - but surely (:

P.S i love you the broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
i am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
i am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

i'm falling apart, i'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
in the pain there is healing
in your name i find meaning
so I'm holdin' on, i'm holdin' on, i'm holdin' on
i'm barely holdin' on to you

i'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
and i'm hanging on to the words you say
you said that i will be ok 說不上為什麼
我變得很主動
若愛上一個人 / 什麼都會值得去做

why did i let myself get so dependent ):

bad bad bad. suffer suffer suffer. i miss you, i miss you, super wuper plenty many CHAOJI i miss you ):

but its a good thing, its a new beginning, its not the end, i just have to get used to it ):

我想大聲宣佈
對妳依依不捨
連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受

FTT in a few hours. omgggg. wish me luck. as much as mommy claims it'll be hard to pass and she'll be okay if i didn't (she didn't pass too thats why, bleaagh) i want to pass!! ): wish me luck wish me luck! (: alas when studying for FTT last night till 2am. WOAAH (: no lah, i started at 1. HAHAH, but yeah. whilst studying, i remembered once upon a time, a long time ago, we had to go to some traffic place to learn all the traffic rules as little kids. there was a real set up and you had to travel around getting something. all i know that thinking back, that was quite fun horr albeit abeeet retarded (: but i thank ij for all the amaaazingg experiences, honestly. (:

i guesss this is when, i keep busy and be the man (: i can't believe school starts in 4 days! how am i gna cope ):

ohhhh what a baby. dang ): but praying has been good. something i guess i really need now more than ever. i feel comforted, almost reassured, but obviously when i leave the hall, it all hits me again. DAMNIT. not easy when you go on with shared habits alone. eckkk :/

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛能不能夠永遠單純沒有悲哀
我 想帶妳騎單車
我 想和妳看棒球
想這樣沒擔憂 唱著歌 一直走

thatss right, the days crawl but the months flyy.

i need a good laugh ):

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛可不可以簡簡單單沒有傷害
妳 靠著我的肩膀
妳 在我胸口睡著
像這樣的生活 我愛妳 妳愛我

AINT NO SUNSHINE today, it feels like i've lost the one person who is the most important in my life. ):

i've never thought that today would come, in fact, the entire journey to tekong and in tekong felt, unreal, somehow.

but it has happened, the entire letting go was beyond painful. OMGGG. the perpetual lump in my throat, not my adam's, refused to reside. the ache in my heart was much less something that has stopped. blargh.

coming home was perhaps the worst, i think i'm crying like he just died. HAHAHAHHH but yess everybody's right, its not the end, its only the beginning.

but half a month is a long long time. ):

of all the letters i've written, i think i somewhat regret losing my optimism so near the end or right if you'll like to see it the other way, the start. :/ but i guesss, he's more than well loved.

but it feels like alot of things are left unsaid, and alot of things are left undone. but then again i would suppose, his last words, our last goodbye was more than a good sum up more than i could ask for. i can hang on to all that for two weeks, i can, but that doesn't mean i still feel any betterrr, why won't the tears stop ):

the fear of seeing his parents was probably over-imagined. i would say a greater power was at work. his mom was somewhat nice. (: and i think my heart broke more seeing his mommy cry. BAWLS. and then it struck me, its the first time he's away from his family for two weeks. the first time he's away from me for two weeks, damnit. come baack, come baaaack. ):

i guess, there're alot of fears and really, nothing would ease them except when i next talk to him again. its a time of growing up. its a good thing.

we're going to be okay, he's going to be okay, i'm going to be okay. so why is it that my tears won't stop and suddenly i feel like i can't pray, can't face the world. eeks ):

but it starts after this, i'm meeting et and val for dinner. (:

tears, stop.

P.S i love you ):

why i guesss its been a helluva week. :/ starting from sunday it has been: HAPPYEST, HAPPY, HAPPY-KINDA, OKAY, EXTREMELY-UNHAPPY, HAPPY-KINDA, HAPPY-SAD and all i can say today is i can't believe its monday )):

and because i really do have many things to do and the mood to blog whilst time's so precious especially today is kinda bleah. thus in short (:
the singapore flyerrr is awesome! (:
i love my bosses sarah and sandra PLENTY! (:
the hongkong cafe in the airport is super wuper! ((:
t1 officially sucks and it smells funnnnehh :/
t2 is pretty wokay i guess
but t3's officially my favourite! ((:
the unexpected is alwayss the best ):
maundy thursday this year was kindaaa HMMMM.
good friday was beyond depressing
you only appreciate what you have when you realise you were that close to losing it
good friday mass was odd
but the choir rockkked ((: emo lil girls HOHO
easter vigil was eckk
the macdonalds farewell was hurrrrr.
but the ballooons were prettttyy! (:
i miss macdonalds
and i'm oh so cravinggg nuggets and ice cream cone
i can't believe i'm losing my bestest favouritest macdonalds kak-kee to the nation! OMG
i'm OH SO glad bestfriend is backk! ((:
i thinkkk i love her plenty (:
i own a green scarf now thanks to her.
i think i'm going to buy confessions
i rockkk at easter egg hunts! ((:
i dont want to fail FTT )):
anddd, today was almost-miserable
but guess who saved the day! (: (actually i don't know)
all i know is, i can't believe its monday.

its been long

MYKISS i'm popeye the sailor man.

WELL HMM. getting up at 7.45 today was a pain ): i think because of that i'm now GASP sickk! because you see! i couldn't sleep and so i on the stupid aircon and i have no frigggginnn idea why it was so cold! blargh!

i'm tiredd. and i've stuff to memorise for later. THE HORROR. i haven't done this for really long, to be honest. slides have been beyond me. i think its the whole stopping school thing. it degenerates my brain. it'll only start up again when school's starting so till then, i really feel like a bimbo! ): but i'm only the stupid part so i guess that depends on which is which, i'm either a bim or a bo! blargh! ):

its back to work later. oddly it feels like i've alot to do. but for 11.02 in the morning. i feel really pretty kinda sorta LOST. OO ):

i thinkk today, this morning, i realised, i'm honestly damn privileged. i feel quite ashamed thinking of how i've been letting my parents down. if only i'll really do something with all my worthless thoughts. sheesh. ):

hmmmmm. ooooh. i think somebody changed the printer ink! my black's like really black. oooh.

i'm back to my irregular meals. like majorr. and skipping meals. like omggg. but somehow i don't know where my stomach went. i bet there's a worm eating it up. EEKS!

well, wednesday was bad bad. bad bad bad. i hope it never happens again. the helplessness, well i've felt that before, but doing something about it, the whole process of battling the pain, voicing my ECKKK, was major bad. BAD BAD BAD. but i guess it was okay, because of what was driving everythingg. you know what was driving everything? well, it was loooove. WAHAHAHH, oooh, cheesy. i'm goood ((:

i wonder how session will go todaay. omg. i'm just doing fifteen minutes of it. i should give myself a break (:

i think i feel more inspired to play the piano when i hear piano pieces in their full splendor and glory. glorious wonderful WHEEE (: the pieces sound so awesome, beyond awesome, i want to play just like that. well obviously when i hear myself i cringe and i lose all interest over again, but hey. its a start! (: inspiration's the root.

i've come to realise how important it is to keep yourself occupied with happy things. thanks for dinner pppy. thanks for lunch val. and thanks for dinner joacs! (: it sort of feels better. I MISS YOU BESTFRIENDDD. NOOOO ):

but bah. time passes if i must say so, pretty quickly when you get to a certain age and have every single thing demandingg your attention (: oooh, nice. i've mismatched earrings, far east won't change them, i'm upset and i feel like shopping. WAHAHAH.

confessions was a good watch. oh yes! moooovies. i want watch POUTS ):

OMGG. sometimes i wonder where all the childishness comes from. EWW. its either we click or we don't i guess. i wonder, WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS! ): this is bad, emo people don't go, emo people who want to act strong don't go either. well i guess, its back to its either we click or we don't! (:

i should go. ooooh. i'm doing stock! WAHAHAH for IS that is. how excitingg. ((:

WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND? hmmmm?

P.S this is quite funny, sniggers, i started off with IS and i ended off with what i'm doing. hurrr.

PEANUTS

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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