last night was hell. ): and as desperate as i was to send out an S.O.S, i forced myself back to sleep with alot more hurt than i liked. i thought this morning's swim would help clear my confused brain and soothe my hurting heart abit but all it brought me was sucky breakfast, i knew we should have stuck with kaya toast and eggs ): and a painfully aching back. gahh )):

but i suppose the blessings came in smaller things.

sometimes i wished i knew what my problem is. )):

simply, i would think it goes as follows: one plus one equals happiness but held back because one plus school equals good grades. so when two minus one equals ultimate sadness, one equals self pleasures and the other one just a whole lot of pain. ): jealousy, insecurities and expectations's so not becoming. i wna be happy tooooo. ):

apple zee has gotta be my favourite key. i need an apple z for life too. ):

where did all the positive go lah! this is shit. big big big fat shit. ):

i only ask for one plus one to equal two. ):

but i suppose its not going to happen to me.

empty promises are horrible disgusting things.

LONDON BRIDGES i think i'm lost ):

seeing how sadness loves company, and especially so in the form of me, i suppose i should resign myself and blog on in point form instead of doing a one-liner, and also just to occupy myself for the next ten minutes or so before i get off my fat ass and do something more productive. eckk.
#1 today feels just like yesterday
#2 i would love to go out of the house but yet i'm feeling kindaa lazy
#3 i'm glad nicole and nerissa are studying tgt today and i sorta like insanely wish i've something to study for too ): (i prolly do, like piano theory or something HAHHAA)
#4 important people should care more ):
#5 mass was just shit yesterday
#6 strawberry red tea's eckkk
#7 magic mel's still as silly and entertaining as ever (:
#8 i'm going to vote her to open house if the issue arises
#9 i think expectations and wants should go to hell ):
#10 i've ran out of thoughts, ohh, my hair smells quite good today (:
#11 and i'm sick of waking up at 10. even though i'm trying to sleep later. gahh. ):
#12 i've got a tummyache and its been 3 days now. booo ):
#13 i want to watch laifu, laifu!
#14 i'm somewhat happy with visitation routes this year, hopefully it'll all work out lo
#15 money should drop from the sky, so that when the going gets tough, the tough can go shopping ):

THE GREAT ESCAPE last year's wishes, are this year's apologies.

behind happy faces were broken spirits, stories of untold sorrow ): someone be merciful and minus all the pain please. )):

cancelled meeting, steamed/grilled dinner, make-up, cab to butter, unexpected bouncerr, CAKE!, going happy crazy.. everything was AWESOMESTTTTT until i went straight to hell. ): i shall promise myself one month of controlled boozing. (: aiyah. actually, i just really can't wait till EIGHTEEEENN. i just need one night. i don't need to get wasted, i just want to see everybody crazy-hair down-free again (:

family plus family = blessings like woahhh. i know i know. ((:

maybe after all, i wouldn't do it. like eck. just the thought of it rockkks. and i suppose i'll just keep it that way till whenever, as thoughts lo (:

the feeling of not being remembered kinda like suckkks. maybe thats why after a while, people simply fade away. ):

ohhh, i'm clad in long sleeved shirt and jeans. i haven't been in jeans jeans for a long long while. its usually rolled up or something. but its all kinda nice. (: i feel like a good decent kid. AHAHAH its all hangover talking really (:

if everybody has the same conversation, makes you feel the same way, has you feeling all gay, where does that leave us? i never knew one plus one equalled complicated. ): i don't know if its just me. but i honestly hate all these unwanted emotions. gah.

like i say, its always UP DOWN DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN DOWN. ):

AYE. and the holidays are feeling somewhat misplaced. i don't know. there's this eckk feeling in my chest all the time. funny how you can form a routine outta holiday tooo. but wheres anything without some form of structure eh. but aye, problem sleeping is the ultimate booooo. ): and i just know that once i start work i'll suddenly become sleeping beauty.

till grave.

i find myself in doubt of what i want these days. dang. ):

when it comes down to responsibility and fridays and social skills and what people thinkkk, i wish i'll remember the bigger picture of things.

happy-sad, this is it.

the new face of failure.

patricia: i bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? yeah. i know that. i know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. you're his.

(p.s. i love you)

ho hum, awesomest show! (: i'd watch it again i thinkk. one day, one day! (: which reminds me of what i wanted to accomplish this holiday, pirates marathon! (: we watched charlie again the other dayy. loveee johnny depp. GAHH. (:

good morning starshine, the earth says hello! quirkiness at its prime. everybody needs to learn from wonka, i say. (:

LION OF JUDAH i'm doing it. yay yay yay. (: although today started out eckkk, nerissa's message was like woahh, much needed lo. (:

the days are slowly starting to slip into one another. but i shall break monotony and brave shopping alone today. (: i can't wait for saturday! ((: i'm hating it yet loving it. GAHH. ):

the lies just keep coming. eckkk.

i'm quite tempted to rent loaaaads of dramas and movies and just camp out. mehhh.

bad boys. pfft.

we forgot to submit turnitin. )): up down, up down, up up down. WHY! ):

i want a honeymooon toooooooo. ):

laifu, laifu, LOVEEE. (:

LOVE TODAY grant us peace in our days.

at 8 this morning, i thought i had it all down. one chance, one moment, the importance of happiness, the importance of not letting small insignificant things bother me, and how i was going to be all happy and up there. afterall, all this is what's going to happen again and again in different contexts and severity for the next unfortunately 50 odd years eh. but sometimes, it gets hard. and sometimes, i just wished it could all be a tad easier to deal with. ): but strength comes in the most unexpected form (in today's case, 12bucks) and after a while, if i keep griping and being a baby, the only one getting hurt is me. and that sucks x10000. i've learnt that and i don't want to go back to crying myself back to sleep in the middle of the night.

BE STRONG BE STRONG! (:

with startling clarity, i finally understand that sometimes, some people just aren't worth it. mehh.

the last 2 days have been nothing but plain dumb stupid. but i guess, enough's enough. (:

oh! talking to bestfriend opened my eyes, somewhat. HAHAHA (: but whatever we were talking about reminded me of the meteor garden story about the little girl and her balloon. (: so yes. there was a little girl who tried holding on veh tightly to her balloon because she was afraid it'll fly away but in the end, the string snapped and she lost the balloon. thats when her mommy said something along the lines of, if something is yours, you needn't even hold on tight and it'll be yours. holding on tight to something that isn't yours will lead to you losing it neways. in short, if its meant to be, its meant to be. but sometimes you wonder if its all stupid games. i mean, there is the chance that your holding on is what keeps your treasure to you eh? i don't know. but trust meteor garden to come up with something so profound. HAHAHA right, whatever (:

ho hum, que sera. (:

nehows! (: py's house party was awesomesttt. ((: yummy foood and good game! (: it felt as if we stepped into mahjong haven or smtg. WAHAHA.

i wished for you but if only by wishing hard your wish comes true. so i'll let it be, let it be. but that doesn't mean i'm giving up. nayyy. just taking it in my stride. yepppp (:

with hope. with love. everything has to be okay.

why does the will for things to be a lil different always have to lurk somewhere.

courage don't desert me. ):

its all about the giving between two. WOKAY! (:

WITH LOVE we've got the dreamers disease

poooo. exhausted exhausted. ): today's sluggish day. i slept, awoke, read, ate, read somemore with mtv blasting throughout. my tummy hurts and i never want to leave my couch of comfort. not for mass, not for stations, not for session. want, want, don't want. cannot. ):

it amazes me how some people can be so neeeedy! like why do people need love so much? affection, small gestures, displays, are they really that important? ): are they possible to will away. booo. ): and then there's the people who are so bloooody heckcare. you ask 'doesn't everybody need love?' do we really? gahh )):

confused, confused, confused, confused. i don't wna give up, not care. i just don't think going headfirst into everything is the way to go anymore.

don't say its all part of growing up. eckkk.

love storybooks. amazing how they can change your perspective about everything. last forever please happy feeling! mehh. ):

of valentines:
#1 yesterday was overemphasised.
#2 good times don't last. ):
#3 and girls prefer bouquets to one stalk of rose (:

hear hear! cute happy song. ah long, ah long long long! (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9wM4gH1Qo

I WANT TO WATCH P.S I LOVE YOU AND SEE SEE THE PRETTY FERRIS WHEEL. (:

tuesday was happy-sad. the heartbroken cries while the bystanders stand lost. the pain's all the same. ): somebody should start selling strength in bottles!


oh happy days! (:


recess friends had lunch at carl's junior! say hello to our presents! i mean nerissa's. HAHAHA ((:


the cute one! HAH! (:


the noisy one! ((:


love from bestfriend! (:


love from me! (:


CUTE US! (:


NOT AS CUTE THEM! ((:


nice wrapping paper right! ((: MINE! (: but i decided to be nice and give it to py! (: but she had to hold it up for me to take a picture first! thus the retarded photo! HAHAHAHA (:


the noisy one's bag! (:


halfway through lunch carl's junior decided to be romantic! WAHAHA (:


and bestfriend decided to act hardworking! ((:


nerissa the cute one was only interested in koping my songs! ((:


despite all, i still love her lo. (:


SO TAA-DAAH! (: recess friend's awesomest valentines! (: miss ij lahh. ):

everybody's gna start asking for pictures! WAAHAHA. (: sharing folders eh! (: TILL SATURDAY DARLINGS! (:


to enddd. (: we make stupid stuff so you don't have to! (:
LOVE LOVE LOVE. (:

sometimes i fear that i might dissapear
in the blur of fast forward i falter again
forgetting to breathe, i need to sleep
i'm getting nowhere

save me
somebody take my hand, and lead me
slow me down
don't let love pass me by

CHOCOLATE HEART COOOOKIES
ugly picture! (: even photoshop couldn't save it! HAHAHA. but yepp. FAMILY PHOTOOE! (:


he's quite heavy but he's my brother! (:


US! ((((:


THEM! (:


she's so cute, i lubbbb her! (:


yeck! but LOVE FAIRPRICE XTRA! (:


new york new york! (: chu er lunch. ((:


lunch-ers. AHEM (:


KUEK! <3


reunion lunch! (:


say hello to our traditional farewell dinner for kuek and nicole peeling chicken wings with chopsticks! (: i took this picture because her hair looked gooood. HAAHAHA (: love bestfriends! (:


i miss her plenty plenty! ):


check out our matching pipes! (: i mean diaries! ((: and her pink pompom pen! (:


happycalifragilisticexpialidocious! ((: fugly picture but you can't look good all the time eh! HEH! (:


with felicia! (:

BROKEN MEMOIRS who's your someone happy neh?

sadness and happiness seems to be kinda like overrateddddd nowadys. eck. (:

bring my sweeney todd to me! ):

today was a good day despite the early rush out, it was awesomest lunch at marriott and good shopping! (: LOVE DA BOSSES PLEASE (:

speaking of sweeney todd, ah long was good! (: we had our chu er movie and meet up! (: LOVE RECESS FRIENDS (: and i now have a better impression of fann wong. (: can't wait for the 16th! (:

need to shop! need to shop! ): i laid down dates today but now i'm kinda like regretting my decision. ): byebye community service. byebye happiness. ): shuckkks. ):

everybody's their own. but somehow, every little thing you do, even if its coincidental, rubs me the wrong way. boooo.

we've completed radio! woooots! (:

i seriously love MTV. (((:

not looking forward to writcomm tmr ):

sad lah. feels like chinese new year is over! (: i only forsee 3 more days of gambling. and tmr's one of em! (: REN RI! (:

i missed you alot alot today. ): when you find someone you feel totally comfortable talking to, don't ever ever let go! big sigh! ):

ah. i'm going to go change my nail polish colour and be happy, after all, whats there to be not happy about eh, the grass is green and the sky is blue! (:

IN YOUR EYES the motions of a scripted destiny

there's no mood, no atmosphere, no luckkk this chinese new year ): gambling has brought about nothing but huge losses, HUGEE. ): like $150ish, say you feel my pain. )): but boooo. i shall not be bothered, afterall its a new year. i'm not going to be superstitious and believe i'm cursed for the rest of the year! yah right. eckk. (:

on the other hand, the angpaos are lesser this year but i've been chomping on lots and lots of goooodies and staying away from alcohol, so yay me! ((: unfortunately, my cough isn't any better ): ho hum. the psp is fairly entertaining as well (: when you're desperate and bored shitless, its good entertainment! (: and i like the fact that i'm better than some people (:

i miss kuek already! ): rolling into bed at 4.30 wasn't my idea of fun but at least i woke up at her call. if not i would have cried ): as if i'm not sad beyond sad enough. boooo. ):

this is getting tiring bordering on exhuastion really. ):

i hate how parents accuse you as if it doesn't hurt your blooody feelings. honestly ):

cowshit, mooseshit, horseshit, ratshit, bullshit, ELEPHANTshit. ):

i'll soon be rolling about in absolute boringness. work? eckk ):

another day, another casuality.

love charades (: miss alot ):

LEFT FOR DEAD my heart hurts, HURTS ):

i haven't been sleeping well. ): if i'm not coughing like lungs out, i'm entertaining emo thoughts. and how i wish they'll both just go away, away ): thinking at night is like ultimate shittttt much less coughing and feeling as if you'll die any minute! ): and if you think chinese new year, aunties and uncles are going to stare at me as if i've got a contagious disease! at least i'll be left alone (: but i'll have to keep away from pineapple tarts, bak kwa and love letters. kill me, just kill me )):

talking about chinese new year, chinatown was woahhh (: NICE! ((: i don't remember ever going to chinesetown during chinese new year cause its like ultimate suicide but it wasn't that bad! (: okay crowd, pretty decorations, cheap fooood! (: but i had sickly dinner at my favourite place which was like BLAH x10000. ):

neways. H is the ULTIMATE LOR-SUO! omgwashhhh. i could have stabbed him. )): but i must applaud him for being extremely thoughtful and sweet (: like who the hell gives away present to top-scorers?! yikes! ((:

i wonder what it'll be like to live a charmed life. hmmm! quite exciting i would suppose. ah, the blessed. pfffft

shopping's evil so i'm keeping to myself for awhile.

i wna watch city of angels! ((: old show like super wuperrr but whilst listening to C tell me the story on saturday and having angels scream from the stereo, i just knew i have to have to watch it. (: ho hum ((: and P.S. i love you! (: GAHH.

i wonder how reunion is going to turn out tmr.

hand me trust on a platter. pleaaaseee ):

today's fast and abstinence which sucks cause thats what i did yesterday, fast ): two days of improper meals, eckkkk.

what do you become when nobody wants anything from you anymore? happier or useless?

bake-fest and spring cleaning here i come! i've got the longest list of things to do today. ):

bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, fffffffffff-ing bullshit. yep. sounds like you friend.

i refuse to cry anymore ): although, the internal strifle over whether or not to say goodbye is ffff-ing tearing me apart )):

TIGER PINK the dog is looking at the ball like its the only thing that matters in the entire world. the little girl moves the dog's head around like a remote control, up and down, back and forth. she knows that the dog will do anything for that ball and she's going to make him work for it. she's gong to make him want that ball more than he already does. she probably barely knows her multiplication tables, but she's determined to add to infinity. i wish there was something in my life that mattered as much as that red ball matters to that dog. maybe thats what it means to be a man. you have a ball to keep your eye on and a woman who makes sure you do.

(maybe a miracle)





















i ask, "you know how the speed of light is so slow that some of the stars in the sky burned out thousands of years ago, but we'd never know it because the light is just getting here?" "yeah" "so if you wish on one of those dead stars, does that wish count?" after scrunching her nose over it for a moment, she says, "maybe that wish counts more since you're wishing on a memory and after all is said and done, memories are all we ever have left. when something is still around, no one appreciates it anyway."

(maybe a miracle) when it's all over, who'll be left? don't let it be nobody. ):

looks like all this while, i've simply been living in denial. ): i was trying to run from responsibilities that were mine, hoping that they'll get the hint and go away ): but i don't know, i don't know if my running away is justified. everybody gives me the impression that i'm doing something wrong, which makes me wonder, about stuff. they say its crazy that everybody should be taking a small role like this so seriously when all we're supposed to do is love but gahh. i don't know. i suppose they have their own reason. i suppose loving comes with rules too. and maybe all this is wrong for me. ):

people always talk about how it takes guts to kill yourself, but what really takes guts is not killing yourself. that's the hard part, finding a reason not to do it everyday.

(maybe a miracle)

company dinner yesterday was awesomest (: like seriously. even though for the past 3 days i've been crazily running around, everything ended beautifully, it was like THE perfect ending for my entire shit week. (: even though EVERYBODY was high (: i didn't even remember boozing much lo. but yahh. (: happily chomping on prawns, carrot cake sticks, chicken wings, stingray, otah which was mmmm! singing on the top of our lungs, dancing three-step and watching kingkong! ((: there was sadness in the air, yknow, yknow. melancholic conversations makes me emo ): but they taught me so much so much yesterday! even though laoban was trying to convince me that its all about me. i still only half-believe him. this is what it means to have another family altogether. they make me complete and gahhh. i couldn't possibly ask for anything more. which is why, i feel as if i owe them oh so much. ): ah. basically, i wish them plenty happyness from deep down, deep down. (:

despite the love they showered on me yesterday. the hugs, the kisses, the comfort of having someone's arms around you, i know what i really truly only need ): but i'm being denied and it hurts ):

everything's up here.

everybody keep saying yes they do, do they really? ):

soon they'll all leave ):

i just got reminded about bestfriends's conversation about abbreviations. ((: hilarious shittt (: and woooots, kbox was the BOMB! (: we haven't sang for so long, for so long HAHAHA (: AI DAO MO NIAN MO YUE MO YI TIANNNN (: can't wait for recess friends reunion! (:

i hate it when i miss mass. shucks ): thats when i ask myself, why i'm going. ): the desperate crave for alone-time maybe.

i haven't spring cleaned and i've got a thousand and one things to do. not so excited about cny anymore. boooo ): even though it provides the perfect excuse for almost everything. (:

stop fffff-ing exaggerating ):

i'm tired of having to always look at my phone ):

we're down to writcom and radio. everything'll be okay, okay.

i'd like to complain that its all unfair but i suppose the easiest way is just to let it all not bother me.

who can tell me what the future holds? ))):

would a fag complete me? hmmmmm.

everybody yesterday was painfully missing something, i'm missing something too and it ffff-ing hurts ):

i am tired, so so tired ):

come what may, i'll love you until my dying day. but is it enough? enough. ):

FROM THE HEART love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind

everyone just wants everything to be the same, like fuck off lah. ):

i just got my future yanked out from under me ):

maybe i don't know anything anymore. i don't ffffing know ):

SUGAR DADDY

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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