this picture gave me the fits! (: what! y'all racist ah! funnaye people! waha. XD



this picture is picture perfect! unglam-ness at its prime! (:



i used to be spooked by this effect but its prolly one of the nicest pictures! WHYYY! :D



we conclude! ben isn't human! no red! :D


magic mel shouted arty farty before the shoot. THIS! is our arty farty poses. XD



my favourtiest shot! (:



this was THE LAUGHS. (: they were passionately enthusiastic about this. honestly. eeks. HAHA.


many many more. but another day! the eyeballs are drying.

SAVED a woman in lust wants chocolate. a woman in love wants diamonds. (:

so many things to do! so many things to study! so little little days! bah. i'm going to try my very bestest to do well! i can do it! uh huhh. (: thank god for vesak day! i'm going to fully utilise it. but a nice, long and deep sleep first! :D

so very busy day. i did everything but study! WAHA. i stoned at the canteen, walked to the alumni, had the most unexciting lunch. :D, went to the library to stone and had a prettaye exciting time, GOT MSN thanks to my dearly beloved nicolette! (: HEART EH! went to town and had a not so exciting time stoning yet again. and a prettaye leg breaking walk to church. wearing jeans in record time! (: attended gabby's and val's session planning, dinnered! bubble-ed and adored-ed! (:

VOLLEYBALL was ho ho today! (: i was really praying pretty hard coach wouldn't come so we can study or smtg! but she did BUT! god answered my prayers in another different way! (: the run wasn't so bad. i felt pretty weak but i kept going and before i knew it! two round's over! you know what i think! i think the lest often i exercise the slightly better my stamina. but i know its just bull. :D but yes, so! we did our usual drills! its so different playing with tall people! the ball flies eh! WAHA. not that i'm saying anything! I LOVE MAGIC MEL and i hope she doesn't ever pang seh me again! (: sooo. i got hit in the face today and my specs FLEEW! and i didn't hear a singlee word of apology just a very fierce, josceline! get out of the way! HAHA. traumatised me simply stood at the sidelines then on. BUT YES! whilst i was in pain! we heard a DAMN SCARY explosion! and then the lightning siren went off! the lightning was DAMN SCARY LAH! but! so exciting! pity nobody got struck but hey. the weather's so screeewed up nowadys. but moral of the story is! we got let off an hour early. i know i was looking forward to volley. but after i woke up SO tired and had such a nice sleep on the bus. i knew i couldn't handle volley. not today! but i'm excited for the competition! MUST PRACTICE!

what a talkative post today! (:

anyways, cats was harried. last minute work! oh please. let me not fail such an idiot proof module! ): but i thought we did a prettaye good last minute job! (: had the best time of cats camwhoring though! XD we made hell of a noise but the laughter was much needed! (:

i can't wait for a new tomorrow to begin!

i hope i don't lose you. ):

i hope i'm making the right choices. are you willing to share you with me? why is it that i don't think so. ):

i couldn't bring myself to treat you nice. not after i felt you bordered on superficiality. but perhaps its just me thinking too much. cause i saw another side today. the side i saw at camp and liked so much. i don't know what my beliefs are anymore. maybe i got you wrong. maybe i was just blinded. now everything's changing again.

more alike than you can imagine.

i'm so afraid for session! oh noo. ):

MANGO RED.
i simply cannot get over the black teeth thingy! disturbing ayeeee! (:



and then retardedness sinks in. bah.



and he thinks that its cool to steal ALL THE LIMELIGHT! attention seeker!



and again


i heart wednesday lunch. (:

FOOOOOOOWP. can i say i give up?

i've had enough of niceities but nobody likes un-nice people and being nice don't come naturally anymore, and being un-nice isn't as easy as i thought. the people still talk and i still fluster. bahh. ): ):

i'm looking forward to volley tmr, so i can pespire my worries away! (: and then there's CATS, in which we'll so screw ourselves cause i think there's something we have/need to do and ho ho, i can't remember what! EEKS.

i hope i'm doing this right. STUDAAAAYEE. i hate studying. well. i like knowledge. i just hate studying! (:

i chose the library over sales today! like omg. i guess my soul missed the sanctuary of the library more than it missed spending money frivolously. two books to add to my collection of four. of which i'm down with one! WAHA. how exciting, not.

what's the point. everything just lost meaning and became mono-colour.

just when i thought the day was going okay. they had to be mean about looks. ): it tore, broke, smashed, cracked, stretched, pulled, destroyed. at least my tears were smart enough to hold back. i'm getting sillier and more unreasonable as the day goes. and they are going pretty fast, aye?

everybody's done with their exams! ): i can't wait till the 11th! RAHHHH! i need the break so badly. ):

stubborn and insistent. sucks.

float, float, like a little dream boaat!

i'm still feeling bad about saturday after the promises and all. but sunday! i'm looking forward to sunday despite all! (: i need a day away with a whole new world to re-centralise myself. ho ho.

this is eating into me. but i really want to be deep down glad and not surface glad anymore. i really want to give and not hold back. how can i rid myself of this ugly, manifesting worm. ):

i'm happy. do you think its enough chanting that?

nicole left prolly about an hour ago or maybe less and i miss her already! ):

sometimes, i just don't know how to move in my own skin.

i just wanted, peace.

EXPOSED. life's prolly made easier being the most hated.

fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. not very satisfying honestly. oh bugger, i don't see the point in holding back anymore. this restraint is breaking me. FUCK YOU. ): i cannot outrightly say it in your face. i cannot bring myself to. and i don't believe talking about it will change things. but how do i go on from here? this is killing me. too many voices. too many holding back. ): bitchy, cranky, RAHH.

champange me to sleep. ): the common tests are nearing, the projects piling, the stress level rising, the friendships straining, the severity of small things's suffocating, the question marks drowning, the sorrow building, the love dissapitating, the everything is happening!

and yes, the holiday spirit isn't helping.

i don't know myself anymore. i don't think i ever did.

is wanting not enough? ): my plans are falling through. i don't have enough strength to go on. ):

perhaps i don't belong. not in that family.

CHOCOLATE BOAT i'm indecisive and i totally cannot piroritise. this sucks. ):

oh gwashh. CCA is the bane of my existence and this question is bugging me, what do i enjoy? ):

HOLIDAYS! i need a HOLIDAY. i just need to shop! (: i'm back to unhealthy eating.


BLACK SHIRT AND SKIRT DAY! (: otherwise known as emo day without the eyeliner. meet little miss morbid and little miss bitchy and cranky. :D



the cameraman, the producer and the director. (:



this picture spoooks me! bahh.



gingerman's the CUTEST! (:



SEE OUR FUNKY HAIRDO. and nicky's toot hat!



terribly fugly picture but! you've just gotta see little miss morbid's hat!!!


'hello! i'm sorry but photography is not allowed!' whoooops. (:


the oh so exciting costume shop! (: we took like a gazillion pictures! but they are all terribly unglam. HAHA. but yes! lugging equipment around's no joke. bahh.


the bestest thing that happened to me through dance.



and they make dance beautiful. (:


everybody who has seen me this week will prolly notice how terrible i look. i hate pimples. ):

THEE AWKWARD CHILD my faith has never been tested like such before. i'm dying. some people flourish under stress, i just crumble. ): honestly, the old fears, the new fears, the unbeliefs, my shaky trust they are all coming back. what happened? i'm honestly considering YI now. i need something, anything, to restore and strengthen my faith. i feel it slipping and i absolutely cannot afford slips. not now. ): what do i do?

i'm not looking forward to the weekends at all. i feel so tortured. maybe its because of all the dread that i'm not enjoying anything. but i can't help but dread. i'm a slow worker, uncreative, unimaginative, uninitiative, uneverything! ):

stop pushing all the work to me. stop freaking out at assigned responsibilities. don't expect me to take on everything. don't think you're the only one stressed. i could stab you sometimes. scream and yell that you're not pulling your weight. but i can't. because sometimes, i'm guilty of that too. i wanted to post pictures, but you just killed my mood. die! DIEEEE! ):

where are all the mean thoughts coming from? i shocked myself today. and i'm ashamed. but time can't turn back. everything mean has left scars. i can't bridge things back anymore. you're not willing to forgive and i'm not willing to beg.

i THINK i'm suicidal. HAHA. but then! great things happen. and i reconsider and think, life isn't all that bad after all. the book i just finished made me yearn for a passion to live life. to live life vibrantly. i don't think i ever did.

i missed my boat yet again. it was great seeing my godsent today. (: but then, my careless words might have stirred trouble. lets see if the oceans shift.

stop this give and take game. don't trust me so much. i might let you down. i'm so afraid. ):

'you have to make yourself happy, you can't rely on someone else to do it for you. you can't keep looking for support or reinforcement from people who don't want to give it to you. you have to give it to yourself'

am i capable of that? i need strength now. ):

you lied. i might have said i was okay. but i'm not. i broke.

MY DRAMA'S OVEEER! NOOOO. stabs.

WANDERLUST this. is. killing. me.

tomorrow's a long day. webgraph. collection of equipment. checking out of costume. home? church. shopping. piano. stab me!

YOU BITCH! those words were on the tip of my tongue today. thank god i held back. if not. peer evaluation i diee. why sour relationships due to prickly moods? bahh.

i'ma get expelled from dance. this poor attendance thing is coming back. perhaps i should learn when to disappear.

this hurts. his presence irritates me and i thought we had something going. and then i get pissed off yet again cause you won't talk to me. i shouldn't be behaving this way. ): i can't wait till things go back to before. take me away. i'm selfish.

this is new. this new adventure.

laugh of the day 'oh (insert name)! there's a hole in your pants!!' oh gwash. it got me and moose utterly tickled. i love times like these. small moments, BIGG difference! (: well maybe not REALLY big.

to shop or not to shop?

i'm becoming a nerd. and despite what i've said all this while, I HATE NERDS. ):

its time to place my mask back on. 11.30 and i'm out. to work. to fiction. to dream.

little miss easily irritated. oh yes.

some people just excel in different things. bahh.

stop being such a weakling, you, pokerella!! name calling, childish, but oh so satisfying.

bitch fest tmr yet again. oh gwash. i'm turning into a monster. i hate deciding.

i love creativity! (: but in a world full of creativity, you somehow dull into unoriginality. sucks.

DEATH ACTUALLY.
why i look so stoned! st james day! actually. the girl behind us looks more it. HAAH.



moooooooo.



I MET ET! (:



and i say, old school! :D



meet magic mel! we play volley together!



full uniformers! fugly picture!!


maybe i wasn't being fair. i'm sorry. i'll try to love yall more. ): yall were probably as overwhelmed. nobody's perfect! WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THAT? ):

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER! you don't know how lovely you are.

'life isn't always easy. it's full of tough decisions and heartache, and things don't always work out the way we hoped. life just doesn't come with guarantees. and while it's true that sometimes, by avoiding taking a chance on people, we can avoid some heartache, we might also miss out on the best times of our life.' (bottom line) 'don't be afraid to love'
this blew me off when i chanced upon it within the musty smelly page. HEAR THAT NICOLE! XD this goes out to all the afraidees like ME! (:

things have taken a turn. its been a rocky week. bitchy and breath choking. how much moree of this! i can't show my true colours but i want to get things done. stab me somebody! ANYBODY! i suck at working with people. i hate myself. okay, over stressing. DEEP BREATHS. uh huh. been forgetting to breathe. its going to be a long 2 months.

i looked at you and my breath got stolen away. bahh.

cheryl goh-ed back today! (: same ol that girl. she looked like an angel in the sunlight! waha. (: small things can irk me so badly it surprises me. like SMALL things. ho ho.

tis the season to be jolly. (: perhaps i'm making peace with my blues. at least now, when i've done mostly everything and have the fan blowing at me. oh, like sea breeze! :D i miss you mommy. ):

gotta keep in mind karma. its coming around. feel it in my bones! ho ho. i feel like some old eccentric granny. (:

i'm dreading thursday yet again. i shall go CCA hunt! (:

tell me your secrets and ask me your question, oh lets go back to the start.

shine! shine like a star! who will be here for me when i crumble and fall?

and these are times when you feel that its oh so easy to just sink into depression! rahh! emo! I NEEEED RETAIL!!

script checked. marketing checked. graph and web scrweeed. medsoc crummy. session shaky. hoo hoo hoo!

PIRATES! PIRATES! somehow i feel like i'm bringing you down. ):

we're so alike its scaring me.

oh take me back to the start.

SMALL ONE. bulldoze me over!

you're tearing me apart.

TRANSITION ABORTED. and the conversation went,
everybody has something that makes them tick.
so what makes you tick?
nothing!
but you said everybody has something that makes them tick!
i'm not everybody!
thats true, you're nobody!
and nobody's perfect!

life's lesson taught out of the blue. it caught me off guard really. but yes. i'll keep it in mind. (:

oh yay! finally! caught up with nicolee! that was prolly the only thing of the day that supplied joy. bahh. I LOVE. i'm going to miss you when you go to solvakia!! ):

bahh. i really tired to be nice, but i can't keep my inner demon from surfacing. i just need somebody, anybody to take this pain away. i want to love you pure, deep and true. i should cause blood ties. but i can't. i hate the lies that keep coming.

and for the weirdest reason, you're starting to piss me off again. whats with the concern and stupid questions. i don't want to make new friends. i don't want to grow closer to you. leave me alone. ):

its not working, i can't smile anymore. where did the happy bug go? ):

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.
Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.
And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
-Alice, Alice in Wonderland

SWEET NIGHTINGALE its getting harder and harder keeping my secrets. too many people's getting involved. leave the matter at that why don't you. quit digging! bahh.

there're too many people breaking down.

yet again, i'm hit by a blast of nostalgia. i hate to see you away from home. thank god for technology. but hearing about your escapades's making it hurt to know i can't be there too. but i'm glad you're having fun. (: i miss you! ):

my exhaustion is taking a toll on me. its time to get serious.

mixed emotions. mass was a hell ride. too many conflicting thoughts. too many feelings. bahh. i'm not okay. ):

i wish you well! i'm afraid of letting go, but i can't stand to see you in pain and simply walk on.

once again, thoughts of disappearing's surfacing.

how could you leave without saying goodbye.

amazing how photographs can stir feelings you never knew existed.

PASSION-PLAY love is in the aaair. (:

i'm increasingly enjoying myself in the company of t105. but there're still the occassional, burps. but yay for t105! i'm enjoying our macs escapades. but i'm not enjoying the weight! ho ho. marketing quiz today was disappointing eh! but i'm glad i passed at least. so its not all about memorising but i don't know whats going on at all!

all the plans are going to kill me yet again. i feel like i'm going through a ritual! (:

today was sama sama reunion. gladys and audrey eh! both on the most dreaded 52. life's beautiful! i miss old schooool! ): i miss having people look out for you. waha. (:

've had enough of pretending. so why is it, i keep going back for more!

TOMORROW! and there's the weekend to hibernate. i can't waaait. bahh.

its never been a week before. rahh. ):

i seek, solace. grant me please. ):

DANCING FAIRYTALES how can i love yet hate you so much?

little miss inspirationless.
enough's enough. make believes or believe and make it work?

so is it a good day or a bad day? i don't know. i wish i got things quicker. understood facts faster. caught on to riddles easier. when i start to doubt myself, i know i'm in trouble. ): there're times of great belief and times of great doubt!

the work's starting to pile in and i'm starting to cower. ): oh no.

funky people truly but somehow, i don't feel like making it deeper.

if you think you can hop on a broom and fly around, you're kidding yourself. but hey, whats the harm in believing? ):

and yet again, i'm here without you.

i fear the future. i want the bond but i fear the emergence of my possessive side.

i heart uniform day! (: it was fun whilst it lasted. i'm starting to look too old for my uniform. i used to be just OLD! ):

oh gwashhh, the weight!! ):

chinatown was bliss. but i hated seeing you change. hated the things you do behind the scenes. but blood ties.

MIND YOUR SOUL. the greatest battle is within.

the commercials are running.

to comfort and console mothers of the world, beautifully said. i'm late but nonetheless, HAPPY MOMSY DAY. i heart. (:

it was a great sunday. could've been greater if chinatown could have been throughly enjoyed. there're ups and downs but do the ups really outweigh the downs? it was a good mass.

how long more?

to another day of school, RAWR! unfortunately, beautiful things make the world go round!

i am, fustrated/irritated/warm/fat/smelly/dirty, i'm just tired. FRICKIN TIRED. HAHA. i need sleep! i can no longer wait till sunday to hibernate! ho ho.

i've been shopping and spending money carelessly and honestly, its getting addictive! now i need to stop. and its so haard. rahh!

crashing weddings's nerve wrecking! i'm never ever EVER gna do it again! but it was fun! (: wedding masses are oh so exciting! (: its like seeing a future signed, worn, lighted and kissed. see the magic working and love zinging in the AIR! (: (:

AIYAH. i've had enough of you and your nonsense. i cannot take criticism. but i'm a good actor. ho ho.

its ending all too soon, i've got two weeks to reanalyze and see whether this's the right move to make.

have i really turned, to the dark side? did i make my choice wrong? ):

sensitivity. pfft! i'm glad i've got you. despite, knowing for a fact, theres no one i can really count on. enough of stories about how good and nice you are. rahh!

oh, how i hate my hair! its exciting understanding html. ho ho.

HAUTE COUTURE. SWEET WOES.

i initially thought you were tainting my pages, but i've realised that i was just being paranoid.

i can get so wrapped up in my own world, i disgust myself. all it takes is a glimpse of someone else in loneliness, sorrow and pain to bring you back down to earth, hard. yeowch. i don't know what to do, where to go from here? my temper even though i've said many times i'll try to control, still comes out in bursts. i cannot go on like this. ):

i'm trying to let go, free myself and love. wish me well. i hate to see myself getting hurt. oh stupid heart of mine. free laughs. it takes mere strangers to make my day. funky. (:

sut's really funny and i really enjoy listening to her speak. how can anyone go on so enthusiastically about the same thing for hours? she puts in so much and seeing how we failed to give must have disappointed her. reality checks, eeks! its time to mug. i'm not going to listen to honeymoon nonsense. mug mug mug, i'm going to be a nerd. poly, nerd, my gaaad. ho ho.

i'm particular, sorry.

when you shut yourself down and just listen to your surroundings, its funny what you actually pick up!

i want so much for your acceptance. i'm so worried about what you'll say. i really felt at home then and it killed to watch you red. nasty nasty. i don't know. i'll be myself and be gay. i mean, surprises prolly summarise my life. so why anticipate. i've got enough of waiting.

who am i to complain?

who stole my bloglink! $%^&$!@^!%^$%&*&#^@#! rawr. smell disco? ho ho. you guys make me laugh.

i guess riddles'll do me good. sigh.

CINDERELLA FIT simple things like laughs over dinner is enough to make me fall head over heels with my family. (: and then i start to question, why'd we disagree so often. these happy things pales the unhappy no. but yet. i don't know. happy things don't last! do they?

i'm starting to like nightfall. such joys take place only under the blanket of stars. i miss laughing. why can't i laugh all day?

so many attachments to the younger ones. i hate to let them down. but i'm so afraid of letting them lean on me. especially when i'm so weak myself.

now i understand why work's so missed. the life out of the two units's waay complicated.

i'm gna go prepare and gear myself up for tmr. oh, sunrise.


O SUPEREME ONE. secrets look funny.

OMF. i miss old days. i miss the silly things you used to do just because you thought it was cool. or the things you do just for fun. there're so many strings attached now. ):

i'm like some pig today! i can't seem to keep awake! like seriously! i woke up, bathed and felt sleepy. so i went to novena and slept throughout the thingy. oh no, i slept and coughed. people kept staring at MEEE! like hello! keep your eyes to yourself! why can't i cough! discriminating people! at least i covered my mouth! BOOO! so that was that. :D i came home and SLEPT. then i woke up to go to town. and in town whilst shopping i felt SLEEPY. so we went to suntec for lunch and after lunch, i almost fell asleep at the TABLE. RAHH. and so on the taxi i SLEPT and then i went to j8 to buy some retarded stuff and then i came home and SLEPT and now i'm SLEEPY!! like omg. why! i feel like a freak! WAHAHA.

but hey, whats the fun in being normal? :D

shooting on friday was exhausting! ): tension rode HIGGGGH i'm telling you! stress over ungraded projects. waha. oh yes, its so important, i'm going to keep my eyes open and learn how to be smart, quick and diplomatic. maybe i'll add a lil ruthlessnesss in the mix. WAHA.

i feel so unorganised. i haven't gotten down to serious catching up, i'm so dead! ): ): and what with all things tied to leadership. maybe i shouldn't have opted to step up after all. i wasn't ready!! and now, i feel very disorientated especially with my new found responsiblities! ):

secrets are getting damn hard to keep. whats with the do-you-have-a-blog question and bus drivers who retains ezlink cards. like LEAVE THE WORLD ALONE!

i'm counting, 26 more years!

OHHH, i miss going out with people i love. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GOOO. ):

maybe i made a mistake afterall. SCREW YOU MORON!

oh yes, you're hurting my feelings. i didn't know y'all can get so curt. i mean, hey, play is play. but enough's enough. i'm tired to acting okay. rahh!

the cycle's gna start again on monday! i can't wait for vesak day! HAHAHA.

i haven't gotten over not being able to go to kuwait. ):

i'm going to PRIORTISE! LIKE, after i wake up tmr! XD

what should i do! what should i doo! to my ears, bald or leave it long! HAIR ISSUES! TSKKK. i miss my fringe. I ABHOR MY HAIR LIKE TOTAAAALLY! ): ):

ANGEL FROM MY NIGHTMARE i'm becoming macs addicted!! HAHA.

i hope you understand responsiblity. i know you're shouldering alot now, but honestly as president don't you think you should act like one? you've gotta watch how you behave and what you say really. how can you blindly do what others say? go the extra mile. perform! you were called to do so. do things right, you're leading a team, no more following the leader! grr. i'm viewing you in another light now, maybe thats why things are happening this way. everyone asks for honestly, but can they handle the truth?

stop looking over my shoulder. RAHH.

POWERHOUSE i hate it when i'm in my unreasonable, everything and anything is going to piss me off badly mood. RAHH.

does nagging come naturally to parents? i think so really. i think i'll like it better if you talked to me nicer and tried to be more understanding, seeing things in my shoes and not getting impatient with me when i'm too slow to understand you on the spot! like helloo! its not my fault is it! i blame genes! (SEEE! totally unreasonable. HAH) you know i don't really mean any of this, i love you all. i really really do. i just need to rant. WAHA.

anyhows. i've finally come to the stage where i'm confused as to what i really feel and what i think should feel. i'm a attention seeker! WAHA.

i had a good experience these four days. nobody to ramble on to, but i know at least the one above is watching. bad influences! but i'm taking them as a learning experience! really. my eyes opened these few days and often a time i found myself caught by temptation. ho ho. my resistance is weak. oh yes oh yes. at least i know they're decent people, deep down. they taught me alot and they gave me a taste of a wholly different sort of family love. (: i had fun letting my hair down and just going WOOOOO. but i'm definitely not appreciating your comments. envy or genuine concern? i don't know you that well so i honestly don't think you've got a right to talk about my life and how i'm leading it. its tiring business watching who you tell. secrets are unfurling. my life is being told to people i don't even like. f off, neh nehs!

drinking games, silly actions, fits dance, raping escapades, bar brawl! :D OH SO EXCITING! throwing straws at bartenders, screaming our lungs out, guzzling and sucking till the cows come home, cam whoring and swaying and shaking the shing dings! beautiful, really.

i'm glad you're here to listen.

time to get back to life.

DISTORTED PERCEPTIONS

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


layout by leen