ELEGANT JUNK

if i'm ever in your way, don't honk, just run over me. (:

life's been colourful. what with, picture viewing, dirt exhibitiing, work killing, fashion galoring, games playing, booze dancing. i'm a happy kid, but i could be happier?

'love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but it is happy with truth.love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail. love is eternal.'



MAC TRAINING! HO HO.



when lectures get boring. waha.



meet moose's jack and his thank-god-for-this camera! (:



MEET T105! (:



i took an even more unglamorous one. but hell no is it going up! hurr!



meet my chickys and the EXTRAS! RAHH. spoilers!



the ushers! :D



facil/fellow facil/friend/army boy/chicken













WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.
THE TOUGH GOES SHOPPING.

WAHA. i'm so inspired now! i hope whilst typing this entry at beepbeep's speed my inspiration will stay with me! i saw the above quoted shirt at the giordano sale and i soo wanted to get it. BUT! they only had XL. dang!

its freaky really. reading other people's blog and going OMG, she/he sounds like my other half! its like our interest compliments one another and we're just OH SO ALIKE, thoughts and all. but when you're met with the person face to face how do you get to THAT stage? HMM. i honestly think blog reading is such an invasion of other person's privacy! especially when they don't know you're reading! EEEKS. this is made worse when you know don't even know the person or the person you! AHH. when i'm talking and the person goes they know, i get really confused and then i go, oh yah. i blogged about it. such KILLJOY.

small and caps is supposed to make reading easier. does it? i totally did not pay attention at ANY of my lectures today! its either stone or occupy myself with my newly downloaded MSN, YAY FOR MOOOSE! but come medsoc and i'm back into nerd mode! (: i love medsoc. although there are moments when you just cannot absorb anymore. but its OH SO INTERESTING! i love! (:

SUPERSIZE ME!

whats the point of owning a mac when you can't even operate it at home! this is like totally utilising my initial plan of for-school-use-only. PFFT. i can't even personalize it! unless i do it during lessons. HO HO.

TMR'S LOCVID PRAC! and i lovee locvid prac! (: (: 52 gives me a heart attack every morning! honestly! haven't 52 bus drivers ever heard of punctuality!

i've planned my speech in my head. but i'm telling you come face to face, i'm going to coward out! but its okay, i've got two days to make it perfect. WAHA. i'm scared! ):

HOLY MOLEY!

ST JAMES, ST JAMES! i'm crossing my fingers, momsy will let me go! i considered not telling her, but i don't want to betray her trust. and i want her to know that i respect her and i'll obey her no matter what her wishes are. although i may be UPSET AND TOTAAALLLY tempted to just go! WAHA.

i guess they're a bunch of beautiful people after all. i'm trying to see past the flaws here? :D :D

oh, the superstitious me. if you REALLLLY know how superstitious i am, you'll be SURPRISED. (:

i'm craving choco cake, yet again! (: friday was perfect by the way! (: i love my neh! :D

EHHH. fashion show this saturday! back with all the seniors! i'm excited! hopefully, i'll get to stand at a strategic position this time and see the show proper! WAHA.

OH SUNSHINE.

the weather was brrr today! as you can tell, my post is OH SO CHEERFUL TODAY. god knows why! its so depressing ending school at 6 btw. coming home at 7 is sooo uncoool! WAHA.

i miss dadums! ):

the party was fun despite the DRAMAs. lovely company, acidic food (WAHA) and survivor of water pouring! i can't believe i sat at the same seat for three hours! i'm getting LAZIER AND LAZIER. gee.

OKAY. i'm finally going to do smtg. i don't get my lecturers anymore. OH NO. TOO MY NOTES! oh yes. i haven't been studying the last few times i said i would. like whoooops.

should i go shopping? ): shopping alone is taking a toll on me. HAHA.'

whatever happened to my spelling!? ):

i'm listening to the syf for guitar. AND WAHA. i'm brought back to the olden days! okay, so maybe not so olden but definitely syf days. OMG. how hard we practiced and prayed and desired that gold! sliver's not too bad honestly. i'm pretty confident they gave it their all. although, the blaming some of them are doing is like TOTALLY BOOOO. but yes. i wondered how we sounded at our syf! (: the girls sound good, although the timings were off abit here and there. but YAYNESS. i miss my guitar! ): 6:04!

memories, sweet memories! my last year was sweeet. despite the times when we had conflict, i had fun my four years and for sure, i'll always laugh my hearts out at practice. especially with sam's batch of seniors! its always alot more fun when you're the junior. HAHA. but yes! the silly things we used to do. like omg, mr big, guitar camp, our day camp!, guitar crazy practices, NOVA VITA!. but the new babes are great. i still remember our unofficial phototaking! WAHA. its nice asking them to deliever wacky poses. guitar needs to be more confident. nehnehs should just stop bullying us! I HEART GUITAR! (: I HEART MS SIN! (: I HEART! I HEART!

SUGARLICIOUS. BUGGER THIS!

phonecall finally from dadums! (: he sounds like he's having buckets of fun! ): thailand business! YAY! three days of bustle, shops and CHEAP CHEAP, BUYYY! :D

i'm engulfed in confusion! i'm seeking rest, but i can't seem to find any. perhaps tonight when i return home. ):

AYE. i know you prolly don't mean what you mean. but the way you put it across. nuh uh, thats not how i see it. how can nice be not nice so quickly. how can promises be so empty without even trying? #@^$%&$%*^#!.

i've been waiting so often, i don't think its worth it anymore.

its good to know there're people i can count on and get encouragement from. they come from the most unlikely. but a source of light, is hungrily taken in darkness. and darkenss i'm in now. CHII.

STEAMBOAT, BARBEQUE = NO VOICE!

bumping into marion and aunty catherine on the same day was double yayness. (: its been long since i met aunty cat. and every time we speak i discover something new! some piece of memory resparks and i'm brought back, pattaya. she noted that i've put on weight please! i think so too, my exhaustion has left me eating and eating and EATING! GAAD. and then she met a friend and she introduced us. and she said that, she's always remembered me especially after i said, 'you took away my baby!' HAHAHAHA. i cant believe i said that! aww man! i feel terrible please! but ho ho. those were the days! (:

i like the feeling of you know, bumping into someone, who through simple words, caring and love, make your day. she's an angel to me and i'll always remember us in a hut, surrounding by buzzing mosquitoes, still sleepy from our early morning rise and satisfied and contended after our early morning breakfast spread, singing the divine mercy. i can't ask for perfection in any other way.

cooro misplaced the photo of the one girl who changed me in pattaya! ): but its okay. it prolly got lost for a reason. if i can i will! go back with them in december and see if my babe is still around. its time after all to make amends, and love her from the start! (:

'these children can sense whether you've got love in you. and they can sense whether or not you're capable of loving them. once they've confirmed within themselves that you can, they'll cling onto you and trust you and look up to you no matter what' thats what makes them so special. their love. her undevoted love. to a stranger no less. this is how much they yearn for love, for security. i let her down and yet she looked no where else. but in the end, god worked his miracle in me. and i reached out only to receive hundredfold in return. the moment i stepped down the bus, and had a hand firmly attached within mine, i dreaded her trust in me but ho ho, that was my blessing in disguise.

who am i? how can she see in me, what i cant see within myself? the knowledge that what i simply did off hand could mean so much to her, melts my heart. the knowledge of loving and knwoing you're love back is BEYOND satisfying! i miss giving without care back here. why so. ):

SOUL AND DIVINITY. TRIBE SPEAK

So many things are running through my head now and I’ve honestly have had enough of all these noises! It should be about time they left me alone. I’ve never experienced sadness in such sense of the word before and dang, now that the time has come I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m becoming an emo kia. Rahh!

Anger, bitterness and embarrassment. Whatever happened to joy, peace and love? Gaad. There’re too many things to let go of. All the emotions you’re stirring, if you ask me, its super unfair you’re leaving them afloat! Deal with them, stop leaving them hanging! Stop leaving ME hanging! ):

Jealousy. I guess this is what this is all about. Sigh.

All the things I’ve been squeezing into my schedule is really really preposterous lo! I think I’ve got to start understanding that I’m not superwoman. Hurr. Ah yes, emailing has caused me to lose total interest in blogging. Why email when you can rant without censoring anything? Nay, kidding. :D

Monday night was emotional, like totally! New disturbances, fresh worries. Exact same place, exact same seat, exact same everything! Seeing the little one run and embrace, tears’ glittering in his eyes mirroring mine was too creepy for me. But I hope dadums is having fun and doing the right thing. I can’t deal with any more disappointments, please and I only hope this is paranoia speaking. Hurr.

Well, I love going back. Even though our channels aren’t the same but her happiness so evident makes everything worth it. See! All you need to do is show a little love. Doubts keep at bay! Even though I know you’re necessary for my development! Poop.

Fwah. New mates. I hope they’re keepers. I’m crossing my fingers. Three years. My future is looming in, closer every day. EEKS! This really scares me.

I’ve been somewhat happier behind my mask. Although, there’re straining times when I simply cannot keep up anymore. Misunderstanding which class to go to, collapsing in fear that I’d seen a ghost, coming up with witty answers for cats. For all the senseless joy, thank you, I’ll make em last. Sama sama, ij days man. As close as it will ever get anyways… Fwah.

PROPER MISCHEIF i don't know why, but i somehow seem to get sadder each day! i'm honestly hating it.
i chanced upon a quote today whilst my eyes wandered over a wall when i was day dreaming, and it went along the lines of,

god doesn't give us problems we can't handle,
i just wished he didn't trust me so much.

well, i really wished he didn't either. i'm stretched to my max. or at least what i feel is my max, and i just can't imagine going on. DANG, its time to remember, that the world doesn't revolve around me. not once, not twice, but many was i reminded that. it might have been in jest, might not have been. but it got me thinking. and yes i conclude, i'm extremely self absorbed.

i've met my school mates and ran the lengths of np a GAZILLION times! and i don't think i like it alot. theres just that something missing. and hopefully, i wouldn't let this affect my attitude towards anything. i don't want it to be a miserable three frickin years.

ah, nicole brought back memories. i want so much to be there for everybody, but somehow, i cannot get my priorities straight. i'm so tired of being tested.

all your bags are packed, you're ready to go
we're standing here inside the airport
we hate to leave the house to say goodbye
but the dawn is breaking, its early morn
your father's waiting, he's blown his horn
already we're so lonesome we could die

so kiss us and smile for us
tell us you'll remember us
hold us like you'll never let us go
you're leaving on an aeroplane
but you'll be back home soon again
oh kuek, please dont go

there's so many times we've pissed you off
so many times you've pissed us off
we tell you now, that they don't mean a thing
every place we go, we'll think of you
this song we sing we sing for you
when you come back, we'll have a gathering

so kiss us and smile for us
tell us you'll remember us
hold us like you'll never let us go
you're leaving on an aeroplane
but you'll be back home soon again
oh kuek, please dont go

i just need some strength. enough to keep me going. please?

GREY COLOUR ME BEAUTIFUL

i'm not sure if i'm working this the right way, but i'm so tired. my commitments are finally bogging me down.

breaking down isn't near but close, oh so very. there're too many unspoken words, questions, answers, that i wish someone would just step up to the plate already. with all claims of superficiality, maybe, its just me.

i've always said i wouldn't go back, but hope and some ridiculous strand of something keeps bring me back. somehow i feel that i've gotta work for my miracle, but honest to god, i don't know if thats really what i want. i yearn isolation but once granted, i desire interaction, laughter and unadultered fun.

i hate this uncertainty. i'm even hesistant to pick up the phone. to make arrangements. to take the first step.

i don't think i'm ready to start on my poly education. new friends, new environment, new term, new EVERYTHING. its a clean start but i just have that nigging that it'll dirty up sooner or later.

this lenten season has been dry. there weren't sacrifices of any form. only self-centered attempts. its been hard, praying. i'm too weak and tested. i can't get past my own mental barriers.

i hate basing my actions of the people surrounding me. but i can't seem to work up the courage to just be me.

weird things just keep on happening.

ALRIGHT, its been back to work. i'm starting to love it. although there are MOMENTS of testiness and questionable whatever-ship. :D i don't know. but i hope, i'm evolving into somebody stronger and not ultimately weaker. and whatever i'm picking up, an aid in the future and not a stark bad influence.

another week till school. the alone feeling is back and time, i'll use wisely.

and one day i'll stop grinning.

SWEET MEMORIES

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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