the way you look tonight.

it makes me wince how i trickle my life away. i've been doing nonsensical stuff all day. its the i'll-do-anything-but-study mood. and this is coming from a sec4 who's four weeks away from prelims. the horror.

its just not it. i should stop backing away. when people say they think alot, i never do believe them. i don't know why. but honestly, definitions of think alot vary drastically. everything pales in comparison.

i'm going to complete 2 seqs, 1 sbq and three math papers by tuesday. i'll tell you when i accomplish that. just roll with it.

i adore church choirs. i could hear them sing all day. we should have choirs in a cage. :D like a toy i mean. then you can turn the thingy thing and it'll sing. oooh, cool. i could be a toy manufactuer! yeaah. so yes. sadly sadly, all the masses i attend, either have a sub-standard soloist or a eck soloist or a congregration that just sings the way they please. laughs.

its terribly difficult to go through with plans when not everybody has the same intention. but i wna go home. ): i don't care if she's biased. i don't care if they're hypocrites. i just wna go home, and sleep. and perhaps i'll be happier. yes i know, it doesn't work that way.

peter pan has my outmost admiration. second star from the right, and straight on till morning. oh, one day, one day.

like cinderella.

perhaps i'm destined to be a loner. loners scare me and i scare myself. oh yay, now i'm a classic case of a freak.

when you see somebody, whats the first thought that comes to mind? how do you do; its a phrase so uncommonly practiced home-base, i'm not so very used to it. maybe its just me but it doesn't roll of my tongue as easily it does for some.

when ignorance is bliss
save me from myself
and then i see you there
with your arms open wide and
you try to embrace me
these lonely tears i cry
they keep me in chains and
i wish they'd release me
cold is the night but
colder still is the heart made of stone,
turned from clay
and if you follow me
you'll see all the black,
all the white fade to grey

im sorry.



/when the sun hits the sky
the stifling and tempermental weather is out for a kill.

stories, gossip, sleepiness, tears and baby! made up the week.

the j brothers stole my heart. (: jeremy's my new boyfriend. although he still bullys me. he screams at me la! ): the other two are cute, i played boxing and pokemon with them. the games don't change do they. :D having children's hard work.

my mountain gets steeper by day.

thursday was a disappointment! ms sin couldn't turn up because of transportation. hopefully, we'll see her next. DENIS'S BIRTHDAY. :D my bpy! she's emotional. laughs. ELECTIONS! new president's mag. aye. congrats congrats! we'll see, if we can get the scotchtape and more.

i returned my guitar today. i miss it oh-so-much. the spot it occupys at home is disconcertingly vacant. ): i took a few pictures of it. BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH. i miss bringing it home before concerts and i miss carrying it all over the place. we've got feelings for one another. wails.

anyways, i slowly moving up my instrument chart. i've so far laid hands on 4. we'll move on. i wna play at least 10 by 21. sounds a tad impossible especially since i'm a tortise-learner. :D

i suppose i've gotten quite used to shutting people out. its become my replacement for snapping.

i LOVE chinese. :D

self-control; my motto for the week. at least, whatever left of it. (:

can the snake change?




/fortune and magic.

FAVOURITE FLAVORED FISHERMAN'S FRIEND.
ali-p makes me laugh. (:

no i don't get what you're thinking, and i don't know if finding out is the right thing to do.

i've been angry. and blaming it on stress was probably the most irresponsible and unprofessional thing i could have ever done. stress only comes when you procrastinate or fail in time managing. both of which i knew i partook in. i'm so disgusted at myself, especially at the tantrums i threw at guitarists. i mean, i took on the job, it was my responsiblitily to do the job well. ): i'm sorry. really.

i don't like it when i become someone i don't know.

i don't like whispering. blame in on self-conciousness and the works. but whispering's really annoying, i'd rather you talk out loud. yes, scream if you must. like jong jang jing. hahahah.

i'm tooo slack for my own good. i haven't been doing homework or anything. tskk.

i'm going to do this new job well. (:

frisbee today was fun. well, fun in the sense where all i did was scream and run around in circles. laughs. i'm so unfit, i amaze myself by passing pft. :D

when things don't go as plan, always say to yourself, god always has his way. thats the line under my time-table. how apt.

its one of the j brothers birthday on wednesday! i'm so excited. squeals. jeremy jeremy! (: poot. i can't bring him to the zoo anymore! but its okay, as long as before he leaves, he plays with me and gives me more goodbye kisses i'm happy. laughs. i sound like a paedophile. which, i'm not! anywhoo, i'll still visit the tourist hotspot with or without jeremy. so giraffes! here i come. (:

thanks for saturday, i had fun 'suntanning'. i'll be your calling, whenever, always, yes? hmm, i think i should have placed the cauliflower under the grid. but whatever!

i like risen christ's adoration room. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DI! <3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KANGLAOSHI!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

i'm missing so much. ):

/whims and fancys

i do not work well under stress and i'm under stress. ): i freak myself out. what comes out of my mouth isn't most of the time what i will. not in that scary sense though, just i contradict myself all the time. ):

i'm so very disappointed. i think i'm too very used to working alone when i work in a group i feel terribly confused. hahah. its the feeling i get that people don't get what i say. which is highly disconcerting. i mean, i'm speaking mother language which in this case refers to english. hello, people? and i've come to a conclusion that when people say they'll send you an email by today, they never do. hello? i need to do work one kay. grr.

the game they played on wednesday was far too much if you ask me. i'm not angry. but if it really went missing, the money will be my primary worry. and i'll be very very angry. especially if they fail to compensate me. i mean ez-link no need to make ah? you should start learning about limits friend. how could you play with smtg that didn't belong? i'm shocked. its my closest shave so far. i'm going to keep an eye on that old thing now. i'll scream if i lose it again. touch wood!

the photos are really irritating me. now if i have too many juniors and not enough seniors. and the thing turned out to be way smaller than i imagined. i'm not going to believe in imaginations anymore. ):

prelims are in a month and all i've done is shopping. i read smtg the other day, about how life is more important than looks. i've yet to comprehend that. and it irks me, terribly!

yay. if i master my scores well, i'll get to play. i'm quite excited. :D

i wna go to antartica and look for santa. (: i'll bring cookies and milk?

tomorrow's racial harmony and i don't think i'm going to wear anything! wails. i hope i don't regret my decision.

i scare myself but i'm starting to like geog lessons and find the others really meaningless.

milo everyday gave me rashes. my theory anyway. AND. i heard smtg on radio today. :D highly intelligent people get sunburnt easily. and i burn easily. hahahah.

i wna be there, why won't you let me?

he puzzles me truly. how can he twist my day so gah-ringly?! grr. but i know at the end of the day he has a moral of the story.

i can take this no longer. i can't wait for monday to be over. then all i have to worry about is jeremy and prelims. ahh. (:



/chirstus vincit.
ARAB STREET ARAB STREET. i'm excited! :D more for myself, and quite a bit for the present. ahaha. suntanning on saturday is to look forward to also. (: see how i indulge myself in all play and no work. TSK. if you think this is all, there's still the zoo trip and the bugis spree. did i mention that i bargain-ed a top from 28 to 20 on saturday. and i was in a really bad mood when i did that, btw. hahah. thank you my nicole shifu low. you've taught me well. :D

i shall go pick up a book later and make notes. like geography! (: i'm starting to like it. i know, egh.

ooooo, and alexander the great is my new study of interest. i'm going to go read him up. WHEEE.

i suck at sit ups. ): my tailbone hurts. pffft, useless!

i feel guilty about alot of things, but most importantly. i'm sorry. i got the hint, its hard to miss. but i'm sorry because i shouldn't have did what i did, said what i said, it was irresponsible of me.

ms tham's stories about polite-ness and mannerism, have me all concious of what i say and do. like how smiling isn't as good as actually saying. yes yes, i'll try and hold the door too. (: singapore, its time to buck up! you're bottom fifth, way far from the top.

i love my momsy. really really. the weekends were awesome. and swimming yesterday was funnerific. although the pool was warm; the sky was dark. :D i think she's telepatic, btw. freaaaky!

let it RAIN.




/sugar ray.
broken horn, watch for finger

angstly taxi-drivers, kind-hearted bus drivers and baby!

sourcing for guitar pictures have become tiring. nobody wants to contribute! pffft. its for a good cause CAN. (: PLEASE DONATE TO THE SECRET KANG FUND. :D

yesterday was fun, maybe cause there wasn't the extra pressure.

all this self-pitying is so passe. RAHRAH.

jeremy refuses to let me carry him, but yet! he is willing to give me plenty goodbye kisses. and yes, i know what that means. @^$#@%. i wna bring him to the zooo! :D we'll have fun fun fun. at least, i imagine. hahaha.

i have concluded that the lady doesn't want to call me and probably doesn't have the intention on doing so at all. she should be thankful i'm not DYING-LY keen on playing if not i'll make her sneeze allll day. :D

be unto me, according to thy word. i like today's homily. yes yes.

i don't think so anymore. i'm going to pseudo mute. it goes deep down.

i've got a yogurt craving. (:

its not that easy, to give like he did. to share like he did. and to love like he did.

its time for a school holiday. ):




/parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young.
they don't work the same way.

once and many times after. i don't know you anymore. i don't need this. now's my time to say goodbye.

my road didn't lead me there, we meet at different ends. i cannot ask for more.

its always the last years where ends starts fraying. maybe i'm the cursed one. yes yes, i think so. its back to watching the world go by.

councillors got the few to do a guitar induced message for ms tan's farewell. intial plan was to do school song. but after asking and realising that the entire school is most probably going to watch it. we settled for a not-so-embarrasing 'thank you' shout. i'm going to miss her, miss her, miss her. even her long and draggy assembly talks. (: hopefully, it'll be a nun that follows? it'll be quite kinky. nooop?

its either i'm terribly slow or you're just not clear. is this your definition of game?

its no point proclaiming, when it just seems as if you're trying to get people to take notice. but i suppose you just can't keep it in.

wouldn't it be sooo cool if you can fart to the tune of abc? :D it'll be better if you talk through your ass, we can include the alphabets. i love love audrey and her nonsense. i'll never forget our silly walks especially with mama down the hill.

you just need the 'it'. cause basically, everybody really do talk about the same things. i mean, there's not much of a variety in topics for discussion is there? its the 'it' that decides if you have an enjoyable conversation or not.

its time i learn to cook. it might be my key to success. :D ooo.

it tickles me how when you start of with something, you're sure to find fault, but when bigger faults are added you suddenly realise that what you started of with wasn't all that bad. whats the moral of the story?

TGIF. pffft!

THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HER BACK. keep her safe throughout the op. (: see you soon see you soon! we miss you, ms sin.

stupid lady, please call me. don't reject me, i'll be hurt. (:

dad's the cute-est, he has mr brown as calling tone. but i must admit, he's quite smart, he highlights human stupidity. kudos to brown.

time to source for guitar pictures. i'm going to steal everything i see on friendster. so fun so fun! (:




i stole this from cheryl. spanks. (:



/number next to ninety-nine.




i attempted studying, but unfortunately i failed miserably. wails, i'm going to fail my o's! ): i'll try again tomorrow, if there's time. yeap. i'm going to do homework during recess tmr! i'm so so overdue for holiday homework. heh.

blogs are scary, friendster's evil. (: i'm going to learn how to be efficient! today was a slightly better day than yesterday. although yesterday was truly SLACK. i love wednesdays! :D

my eagerness to do everything at the same time just leads to more work being left undone. so loser. pffft.

when there's a giver, there's a taker. but when the giver decides that the taker should give more and the taker obliges, the giver will slowly become the taker. its a cycle, isn't it? so why is it that the giver never gets tired of giving?

i'm starting to miss doing housework. hahaha, i surprise myself by comparing clothes, dishes and most importantly bedsheets.

why is it that you're more picky when the person that is doing a task is not you?

you know what i realised, a lot of people are starting to forget their 'please' and 'thank you's. its pretty disturbing. its how we take for granted what someone does out of the kindness of their hearts. instead of actually being grateful, you demand for more and comment and comment and comment. i'm guilty of doing it also, but it irritates the hell of me. its amazing how that two simple words can make the job seem much more worth doing.

its pathetic how we are so capable of being dependant on someone, that when that someone takes leave, you find yourself unable to stand on your own two feet.

stocks seems like fun, don't you think?

i wonder how the colourblinds lead their lifes. are they sad?

quote from mrs siau's forgiveness slideshow. i do not know the exact words, but this should capture the gist of it.
'forgive because the odds are pretty high, that one day you'll need forgiving.'



/coffee black, egg white. its a case of, i want smtg to happen and when it does, i just back away.

i've been feeling surprisingly warm recently. i know that's pretty normal to some, but i'm not used to it! i'm always cold. but on friday, i was in an airconditioned room and my skin felt terribly hot. i think its my imagination. hurr. okay, i'm rambling.

anywhoo, i've been feeling terrible. inside out. i mean it!

friday was fun. even the making fun. BLEH.

today's saturday feels like the longest and draggy-est ever.

i've been attending masses, but yet also becomed increasingly unattentive during homilies. its like the more masses i attend, the more i stone. pffft. i shall try again tomorrow. (: cause i've got a feeling, i need to listen to smtg. i'm just refusing.

when i'm annoyed, it seems i can't keep it in. that now, is smtg i must must learn.

i walked home from j8 todaay! (: i feel so fit. oh oh, i was singing to myself whilst walking just so i wouldn't be bored. but come to think of it now, i think the passing cars probably thought i was mad. but whatever! (:

i cannot stand numbing silence-s(?) especially when the silence engulfs you. perhaps i've become used to the (eeky techno) music thats perpetually on repeat.

depressed people are normally sensitive people. so tell me, whats the moral of the story?

everybody tells a story. and stories, i like. (:

its interesting what they've got to say. they make so much sense, its like a slap in the face.

CALL ME. :D

i'm very particular and judgemental. and i realised that, i don't look people i'm uncomfortable with in the eye. its disconcerting. EYES SCARE ME. ):

I'M SELFISH, so sue me. i hate myself sometimes.

i feel like a walking contradiction. wails.

i should delete this post. i'm ranting. ALOT.

i love dearest friends i've made, especially from late last year to NOW. friends of new, and friends of old that seems so new. uh huh uh huh. its been a ride. its confusing how we got tgt really. i'd never imagine it to be. but oh gwash, you'll never know how much i appreciate every SINGLE ONE. (:

i can't wait for national day mass. excited-ness. (:

TAKEOFF. i wna go swing swing swing.

OH YES ALICIA, I MISS YOU TOO! :D

during the our father, i tend to hold people's hands really really tightly. i'm not being childish! it just seems as if i can't feel your hand if i hold it too feebl-y. hurr. its comforting too, no, really. so humour me and return the favour. just don't do it the OUCH way. yay! (: ehh, is people gna want to hold my hand after this? oh no. pfffft. ):

/my plan, his plan, our plan. (:
MONKEY BANANA CHIPANZEE!

NOEY DOEY. sigh. (:
you big bird, i can't believe you didn't say you love me tooo. ): i'm like so hurt. and still can come and demand a long dedication! BLEH. it'll be short, cause my brain is dried up after a whole day of elearning. heh. excuses i know. but you see, i gave it to you before 2010. sooo. nevermind. ANYWAYS. I LOVE YOU MRS. HONEY! i know things are pretty different now. but i had fun during our together years. bundles and bundles (: i'll be here whenever, promise. although, we don't get each another's moods. know i care. and i'm sorry. mmm, we've moved on. but hey, the memories were fantastic. all these are my heartfelt words okay. :D

LEAN ON ME WHEN YOU'RE NOT STRONG,
I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND,
I'LL HELP YOU CARRY ON. (:

and i thank mrs yusoff for putting us tgt. hurr. (:
btw! WHY, J.L? :D

karman; nonsense la you. you kind of remind me of southpark. hahaha. anyways, i had fun talking to you the past few days. study hard girl. don't keep coming online and don't inherit my singlish please. (:

qiqing; josceline senior? hahahah, hmm. yes, haven't take picture! i'll bring camera on guitar days then. we'll snap snap snap away! (: keep the rhythmists going kay. you're our jie ban ren. :D

audrey; I LOVE YOU THOUSANDS PLEASE. guitar days, i'll FOREVER FOREVER FOREVER REMEMBER. i can imagine myself, sitting at a kopitiam going, 'i used to do this with the guitarist' wah. hahhah. (: love you, although you always make fun of my BRILLIANT ideas. <3

i'm the one who wants to be with you,
deep inside i hope you feel it too.
waited on a line of greens and blues,
just to be the next to be with you!

charlene; SOOOOOO, WILL YOU MARRY ME? ;D



/a twist of fate i honestly do not know whether to laugh or cry. rahh.

i cannot do this. i'm far too sleepy.

tomorrow's youth day! YAY! holidaay. (: i'm going to sleep in and if all goes well, i'll be out at macs studying/board-gaming. :D nobody wna go to the beach or the zoo or kenny rogers or anywhere. ): but we should study. my self-made promise. nerd nerd nerd. i can, please.

hmm, or perhaps i'll just spend the day with my robot boyfriend. :D

silly tunes like bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, yo ho, who's afraid of the big bad wolf, heigh-ho, following the leader, cruelle de vil, the siamese cat makes good company. so alice in the wonderland-y! ho, the film used to put me to sleep. heh. (:

when i was a little girl,
my father used to say,
if trouble ever troubles you,
just dream your cares away.

a dream is a wish your heart makes,
when you're fast asleep.
in dreams you'll lose your heartaches;
whatever you wish for you keep.





/quote ms ali p; NOVA VITA 06 was an intimate session with the guitarist. i agree! (:
NOVA VITA 06.

i've got so many things to say, my string of thoughts' haywire. i've been waiting for quite some time now to pen it all down.

our road together definitely started off shaky and a tad behind time. struggling against that critical factor, obstacles and disagreements, i'm amazed we'd come so far. i no longer give a hoot if the school look downs on us or label us as a boring cca because i know our cca is as real as any out there; maybe even more.

its uplifting to see this year's juniors join so enthusiastically and practice with such passionate devotion. (except for a handful of attitudinal ignorants.) somehow, it seems as if we can continue existing. which i really hope we do.

i'm glad it all happened. cause it has never crossed my mind to join guitar. guilty as charged i was one of those who treated the cca as a last resort. first choice being the choir and then badminton. but nevertheless, i grew attached to the cca so much i really cannot bear to let it go.

i've made wonderful friends and i'm eternally grateful to god for sending me there. friends that can tolerate my crappy nonsense and tempermental nature's hard to come and guitar has become my exit route to school stress and complications.

tuesday was heartbreaking. everybody broke down. like stab stab stab stab stab. the news hit hard, even worse to those who were closer to her. she's probably what i'll term superwoman or perhaps a god sent. if you're looking for a saint, i'm confident you'll find it in her.

her inspiring words, her dedication, her laughter, her teasing, her good intentions, her lessons on life, her devotion, her passion, her optimism, her willpower, her selflessness, her health food speech. she gave so much and yet never expected anything in return. except maybe for us to live life well. to never regret. be healthy. be safe. be happy.

i really hope she'll make it through this obstacle. this unexpected blow. ): i miss her. MS SIN! GET WELL SOON. ):

i want her to be around when we come back to visit guitar. i miss her presence.

despite numerous screwups and breakdowns. harsh words and snappyness. emoness and nerves. i had ALOT of fun yesterday. an experience i'll never forget. a memory i'll always keep. gah, but i still wish i'd soak in the moment a wee bit more.

entire june was hell, but easily the most enjoyable one. i'm going to miss the dessert lunches, mountainous stairs, crappy nonsense, screaming, laughing, disturbing, interchange walks, homework marathon, relentless strummings, 10 oclock breaks, toliet trips, cheeky juniors, burger king visits, brainstorming, friendship making, gossiping, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. wails.

and now after four years in guitar my conclusion is, AMAZING PEOPLE JOIN GUITAR. that's a fact. (:



niffy converse-es.



with the dancers hats! (:




i lubbb this pikcher! rahhh.



BLEH.



don't look, just don't look ms ng.



it was supposed to be orangey! ): but photographer toooo slow. haha.



sleep sleep sleep! tskkk.



they all look so afraid to take pictures la.



qiankun. ex-rhythmist. :D



DO-RE-MI-FA. gweneal not short enough. hahaa.



the chaotic filing in. why the rest neh take also. ):



the photographer and the aqua. :D



the hall.





PRESIDENT! (:



fiddling with the mikes.





surprise item practice.



i look HIDEOUS!



HOT STUFF! CHARLENE I WNA MARRY YOU! haaha.



whats up with my shit hair? i still love you charlene. ahaha. :D



they didn't wna pose for me. ):



LA CUMPASITA couplette! (:



i love my 410-white plate buddy. ((((((((:



gladys the naughty.



our failure shots.



YAY! does audrey look good or what? EMO! :D

audrey, gweneal, alicia, denis, kim, charlene, charmaine, thank you for making guitar a pleasure. sam, mama, bea, for my early years. ((((((((: you guys make guitar practices, MAGICAL.

more pikchers, here: http://www.samfern.easyjournal.com and here!: http://s73.photobucket.com/albums/i221/gladghost/

more with denis! and the sneaky school photographer. (: i didn't get to take picture with my section! and my naughty juniors. ):

/to god be the glory.

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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