L is for the way you look at me,
O is for the only one I see.
V is very, very extra-ordinary,
E is even more than anyone that you adore can.

love is all that I can give to you,
love is more than just a game for two.
two in love can make it,
take my heart and please don't break it,
love was made for me and you.

the new year's here! so 29 days ago. but do have a blessed year ahead folks. reunion was not too bad afterall. different, but not too bad. i miss the excitement, the preparation, the dressingup, the blackjacks, the laughter, the food, the fun. sigh. ): well, there's always next year.

caught the doctor drama this morning with mommy. it was the last episode, and i just realised how freaking nice the show is! hate myself! ughh. how could i miss out on such a nice show! sigh sigh sigh!

hmmm, gotta go. later folks. just fyi, mahjong is addictive! i won yesterday. and so did i during the blackjack rounds. happy happy! but then again, all i won was a few cents. haha. pish posh! oh wells, i'm off!

enjoy dinner all. (:


/que sera sera, what will be will be.
caught cheaper by the dozen2 today. hilarious hilarious show. laughed loads, well, so did the girl beside me. (not you kuek the girl on the other side of me, haha.) but yeap! although i do still think that cheaper by the dozen1 was nicer, the show was good, sweet and touching. (:

i'm really really sleepy. i think i'm gna sleep and sleep and sleep till like noon tmr. i'm so tired i don't even feel like talking or doing anything like reaching out and grabbing the piece of tissue which is less than 50cm away to blow my nose! heh. i'm that tired and that lazy! and i'm aching somewhat too. (oh! we played rugby on thursday! fun fun fun!) hai. ):

i'm getting tempermental and moody and grumpy. its so pissy, i'm annoyed at myself. i can be so hypocritical and cynical it scares me. really, like what the hell is wrong with me! ): depressing depressing. i don't know whats going through my brain anymore. i think and ponder about the world's most senseless things ever. i've even reached the extent of hating myself! damn. whatever is spewing from my mouth is just plain nonsensical shit. i don't even care if i'm offending somebody. i'm really tired and feeling like total crap crap crap. rahhh, i need sleep.

the channel8 show has ended. hopefully a nice show will come to take its place.

school's been a drag. cny celebrations today. interesting interesting. saw an absolutely adorable baby siberian husky! its wuper cute! i like i like. :D and i think i wna be a lion dancer when i grow up. awesome occupation! don't you think? hmmm.

its reunion tmr. sure doesn't feel it.

sensitive people hurt themselves, while insensitive people hurt others. so which is better to be?

quote from dianne. 'don't frown, cause you'll never know who's falling in love with your smile' struck a chord somewhat. oh yes! thanks love for the gift and all yup. love it really! ((((: LOVE YOU PLENTY! <3

badminton and geisha on tuesday! can't wait. hopefully, it'll work and nothing will crop up last minute cause i really miss them truckloads. an hour of catching up whilst shopping and slacking at burgerking is definately not enough! heh.




/contradictions.


i only wish for things to be like before
where there was only, me and you.

oh my, theres so many things to do and yet so little time to do them all! oh yes, i was greeted by an urgency to study hard today. but yet again, i do not really have the determination to make my desire stand. if only, i wasn't so lazy. oh, and i've just realised how disappointingly horrible my english is. i really need to read more books and build up my vocabulary! (i was facing major difficulties while doing my english article today, her voice reminding us to use cheem words kept ringing my mind!) but yet again, i don't seem to be able to find the time nor energy to do so. i know, its only reading. but think of the journey to the library and the hours i'll spend reading the book, once again leaving my studies neglected in one corner. since i'm not a very good multi-tasker. i'm so disappointed in myself. haha. well, i definately can't wait for the bishan library to be up! (: all about an issue of convenience.

and guess what! i've found my source of inspiration in the form of a blogger. so i'm glad. really really glad. (:

went for piano lessons today. it being now extended to an hour, i found myself with tonnes of time on my hands. i was actually bored! but she's lightening up. which is good really yet somehow freaky. i'm not used to her being friendly. but its definately a good thing. i could do without the intimidation and fear. haha.

i'm trying very hard to avoid any sort of conflict today. i'm trying very hard to not blow my top and rush to defend myself even when i'm in the wrong, or even when i'm not in the wrong. i'm learning hard to just take everything in my stride. and simply brush it all away! life's too short to be upset over every lil thing. well, today's homily has made me suddenly very much aware about the issue on time. which is suppose is a good thing. its time i woke up from my dream.

the rain this afternoon was simply satisfying, if only i could have slept. it'll have been, perfect. (:

i'm pretty much bracing myself for the busy week i'm gna rush headlong into. but i honestly think i'm not prepared. sigh.

have i really morphed into the girl you made me out to be? is that why i've been feeling totally lousy? have i changed without realising? i really do not know who to believe.

/i'm sorry.

why do the memories hurt so bad?
i'm losing, self-control.

went to temasek and singapore poly's open house today and yesterday respectively. and i think i wouldn't mind considering doing media communications or hospitality or business finance or early childhood or perhaps i should just work my ass off and get into a respectable jc. haha. but nonetheless, the open houses were definately enlightening. don't you think? i think i'm interested. haha. we'll see how ngee ann goes. all these are secondary, really. i should honestly start concentrating on my studies. tsk, where did all the determination go?! ):

chinese new year is in eight days! exciting really. but i know for sure, things will definately be different. important ones are away, one's gone. how are things to be the same? i'm looking forward to it and yet really dreading it at the same time. i not ready to face a celebration without the family's vip. it doesn't hurt as bad when you uninvolve yourself.

and yup, confirmation mass and camp photos can be viewed at www.-phi.blogspot.com! (phoenix's blog)

oh oh, perry was telling us how potatoes make better presents than roses yesterday. and ironically his reason behind it is pretty logically true. the reason being that when you give a person roses you're saying that you only like that person because she's pretty but as she grows older you wouldn't like her anymore. (that's cause roses die when they're ugly) but when you give a person potatoes, you're saying that you'll like her more and more as she grows older and will love her regardless of what. (and that's cause as you keep a potato, pretty stuff will grow on them over time) at least, i think that's how the story goes! hahaha. but somehow, the way i related it seems a lil bit wrong. but nonetheless, i think his theory makes sense, somehow. :D

i'm feeling utterly empty currently. and my entire body is aching, but the pain is somewhat satisfying. the ache make it seem like i exercised a great deal. haha.
self-denial, yes i know.

i wna watch geisha! anybody? and pamy! i'm HURT, why can't i enter your blog no more! ):

alright, i should really go. i can feel myself malfunctioning. i'm really really tired. i've been absolutely busy this week. its crazy. well, night world. (:



/life changed, when you entered.



pe today was simply demoralising! we did our runs and conditionings before taking our height and weight in attempt to lose some weight. like okaay. it didn't work lor. haha. so anyway, we had to do 37 situps but i couldn't do at 20 odd! and so tgl was like 'josceline! what are you doing! up! UP!' 'no, you owe me one more situp!' 'UP!' so there i was trying so bloody hard to go up when i was already like half dead. and there she was hollering at me and ordering me to go up! embarrasing embarrasing embarrasing! ): she kept calling me. i probably did the most torturous situps ever! even jingyi who was sitting like 500m away heard everything. i'm depressed! haha. but its not my fault, its been at least 6 months since i've last done situps! oh dear. i feel so weak, useless and pathetic now. haha. cannot! must train. i shall strive hard to complete at least 35 situps by next week. haah. but i'm not aching that bad yet. perhaps tmr.

going to singapore poly's open house tmr. hopefully, the school shall wow me so much i'll decide to go there if somehow miserably do not make it into jc. :D

were we simply just not meant to be? i really cannot bring myself to bother anymore. why make myself so miserable? i think too much, worry too much, imagine too much. i'm making myself nothing but unhappy. we'll see. if things go the way i'd definately love it too than hooray. but if it doesn't, i'll just have to learn to accept it. i can't make you love me. i'll just pray and hope that he'll give me you. if its not, perhaps, things were just meant to be. you deserve someone who can make you happy.



/make believes

i've seem to adore making a total fool outta myself. ):


/fish this i try so hard to make it seem like i'm happy, just so you wouldn't see the tears i cry inside.


you are my sunshine
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away

the other night, dear,
as i lay sleeping
i dreamed i held you in my arms.
when i awoke, dear,
i was mistaken
and i hung my head and cried.

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

i'll always love you
and make you happy
if you will only say the same
but if you leave me
to love another
you'll regret it all some day;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

you told me once, dear
you really loved me
and no one else could come between
but now you've left me
and love another
you have shattered all my dreams;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.



/now bring me my sunshine, cause i think he's gone away cause my world's nothing but a dull shade of grey. i just want my sunshine, my sunshine, today.


i'm so absolutely tired! rahh. ):
mommy has signed me up for emath tuition at some tuition centre and it starts tmr. so hopefully, hopefully, i'll be in a nice class with a sweet and patient teacher. if not i'll just bang my head against the wall and cry. haah.

went to bugis today. didn't exactly see much nor buy much. but maybe thats cause i wasn't really in the mood. i've been feeling extraordinarily down recently, just that i don't show it. but its getting to me. it'll be soon till i blow. its easy to hide it, but not as easy to cure it.

i'm missing the preschoolers ALOT. reaally! i sometimes find myself thinking about them at weird randoms times in the day. like when its twelve i'll go, oh, they should be heading to bed now and stuff like that. and worse is they probably don't even remember me no more! i think i'm getting a lil too involved huh. heh.
but no matter what, i'll always always always think about them and pray for them, that they may grow up to be strong, healthy, well-behaved, handsome young boys. hahaha.

theres guitar tmr, and we recurited 24 members during orientation! so it looks like theres hope for our survival afterall. haha. (:

oh oh. self-awareness is on the third and fourth of febuary. now aint that fast. (:

i'm so tired i just want to lie down and cry. i'm not who i seem to be and you're not who you seem to be either. i don't want to live keeping up to everybody's expectations. but really, if only i wasn't such a failure. ):

hmmm, i've just realised that i like sitting down and talking to people who matter alot. i wouldn't mind doing that all my life. just sitting down with company. but things cannot be that way. not now, not ever. ):

well, the rain's all gone now. and i'm missing it a hell lot! i like rainy days. despite the inconvenience when you wna go out or how all your clothes won't dry or how you'll fall sick due to the sudden change in temperature, i still love it bundles. (:

school's been bad, i'm not keeping up. i'm lost somewhere in my own world. and i'm getting tempermental. its either that or people around me are pretty much feeling as shit. haha. but i can get through this. i know i can. (:

the blogskin's starting to look really ugly. shall need to change it soon. but i'm off to study social studies for now. busy busy day tmr.


/i just want a lil bit of your love
laws of attraction, awesome movie i must say. made me think alot and its pretty enlightening and super duper sweet. (: anyhow, i love watching movies on rainy days! makes me happy.



rahh-ah, i worry too much. ):
i need a hug, like now.



/now take me away from reality
school has officially started! and its surprisingly not too bad, perhaps i can imagine myself doing hardcore studying afterall. i really dont wna let my mom down. i don't wna let myself down! so yup, gotta pull up those socks.
hmmm, i'm pretty liking the homeroom system. its so healthy-lifestyle! hahaha. oh oh. received my practical results yesterday. and i passed! hooray! oh yes, i passed by one mark. haah. i so thought i was gna fail la! its a miracle, i'm telling you. so yup, i'm elated. (:

theres no school tmr. thank god. i need the time to sort out my screwed up emotions.



/i want to be drunk, in you. now where do i go from here. everything's crashing down all at the same time. one moment things are fine and dandy and within the next its not, not anymore. i need someone to help me see things through. someone who would never ever judge me. judge my ugliness, my possesiveness, my insecurities. i've got to learn how to open up and let go. i cannot keep on to such selfish thoughts. it hurts no one but me. besides, they're silly thoughts, its better to just let them go. everything will turn out fine, for god is looking after me i know. but i'm so tired, i can feel myself falling, letting go. nobody is how they seem to be anymore. i don't seem to be who i am anymore. i just want to be the girl you want me to be. but i don't know if i'm capable of that. each time i try, a gust of wind would just bring me back down. where are you, come carry me, carry my cross with me. forgive me if i have sinned, do not outcast me from your comfortating sanctuary. please. but ten years down the road, i know i'm gna look back on this and laugh. laugh till tears gathers in my eyes, and ask myself why was i so silly. only god knows, for its his way of testing me.

am i really okay. i really don't know.


/my godsent angel's looking after me
did my i/c today. i'm the only one in class who doesnt have the collection slip, but now i do! haha. i've got like three different photographs now. imagine how much i spent on my i/c photo! and its still ugly. :D but yup, they didnt accept the photo i brought, and i didnt want to use the one w/o my specs so i had to go retake. and i've just realised that the photographer downstairs is lousy shit! their phototaking skills suck and the quality of their photographs is damn disgusting, and their service is even worse. sheesh. cheat my money only! rahh. i like the one at ica, they seem so pro. i like i like. haha. (((:

went to school after to cleanup the guitar room. its dusty and supposedly band storeroom. haha. but yup, we're sharing it with err. i forgot her name. haha. but yeah, its guitar room cum tamil room. yupp. all the sec1s are in. so exciting! new juniors. hopefully, they'll join the ensemble. haha.

oh, did i mention that i was late yesterday? but yeah. i was. so annoying. haha. made ms kuek wait. sorry! (: i should take the bus the next time i wna meet people before school. i'm never on time if i go by car. haa.

so yup, i suppose the new school's pretty. though i think its pretty plain. but yeah. there are pretty areas and particular pretty rooms. like the drama room! it looks like some ballet room or smtg. pretty pretty! (((:

i'm sleeepy. and theres guitar tmr! i miss all the seniors. guitar is just different w/o them. ))): but its okay, i still love guitar heaps. i think. haha.



/the one who makes me cry, is also the only one who can make it all better.


i'm lost, confused and feeling totally out of place. ):
damn you, insecurities. HAPPY 2006!

hmmm, new year's celebration was disappointing enough. so much for fun. ): haha. but i suppose if you looked on the bright side of it all, it was not so bad. and i've just realised that, alcohol tastes really really bitter. like sheesh. haha. how can alcoholics take it! played uno like countless times, just to stay sane. haha. and there were times, when i've made a complete fool out of myself, by being extraordinarily high. but that's that, all to keep myself happy.

new year's day was consoling enough. had a really really really good swim. but that's the only good part of the day, besides the yummilicious chinatown breakfast. haha. i guess i was wrong. there is more to you than i thought there is. there were grumpy moments but all thats over now. (:

a pretty nerve-wrecking accident happened today. my brother almost fainted due to dehydration? i think. but they suspect its his appendix failing, but yup. he was super pale and limp when he came out of the bathroom. freaky freaky. he couldn't even stand and was so weak that my dad wanted to call the ambulance! he obviously didn't, but it still took at least 20 minutes before my brother got back to his normal shade of pink. :S

alright, it's back to school tmr. i've got guitar on tuesday, wednesday AND thursday! like sheesh. haha. what happened to holiday! ): and i wna get my schoolbag! but i'm like really lazy to go all the way to cenileisure to get it. ): i'm really glad that we're back at tp actually. i'm pretty sick of taking 54 back from school, and going through that long ugly journey! haha. the always jammed pack bus, and long winding hill, and mosquitoes, bees, snakes and what nots. i suppose the space was nice. but that's that.

i'm sleepy, despite all the sleep i've gotten. whyy? oh oh. the churchys outing went pretty well i suppose. they got me a cake and all that. so yup. thanks guys! (: i'm deeply touched. haah.

to a awesome, funfilled, blessed, joyous year ahead. ((((:

my new year's resolution! its pretty simple actually. i wna be simply me, and to always always be happy. and yes! to never never ever regret in the things i do. so hopefully, hopefully, i'll keep it.

my schooolbag! ))):




i'm a big girl now.


/so happy together.

K: kuek
M: moose!
N: nicole
P: peiying
R: rebecca


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